18 Months

Congratulations! You've just been hired to head a company as its CEO or become the executive of a major division or subsidiary. You've been selected to lead the company or division because the business is under-performing or, worse, is in trouble. Competition abounds. The Board of Directors is impatient. Your hiring is a bold move and trumpets -- to the investment community, the market, internal leadership and employees alike -- that winning is a priority, that compromise is passe, and that hope for the future is bright.

Your job: Turn the business around. Fast.

Indeed, while no one says so explicitly, the clock has already started. And even while the communication regarding your appointment suggests that "This reflects our long-term commitment to our shareholders and key stakeholders" and, "This is a very large ship that will take time -- and all of us working together -- to turn around", a diverse set of constituents has begun a timer. A timer that does not count infinitely, but, instead, only to 18. As in months.

Because, regardless of the beautiful steed you rode in on, you've got only about 18 months to effect change.

Think this unfair? Do you think to yourself that it took years for the company or division to have developed these problems; years to have fallen behind in technology, production capabilities, employee development; years to have failed to develop adequate leaders and sufficient bench strength; years to have devolved an elegant organization structure into something that resembles the scribbling of a toddler; years to have destroyed the culture that attracted top talent, supported high-performing teams and accelerated growth; years to have tarnished our once proud and dominant brand?

All true. Even so, you still have only about 18 months to turn things around. Nobody said life was fair. Fun, yes. Fair, no.

Before we get ahead of ourselves, let's take a brief timeout. (Not to worry. This will only be a 30-second timeout.) We need a moment to grapple with something important, namely:

What's the deal with new leaders only having 18 months to make change?

Good question. Not terribly surprising, our work, supported by just about every study on the topic, suggests that individuals brought in to fix problems have between 12 - 18 months before patience for change wears thin. This is regardless of the magnitude of the problems inherited. It turns out that while we as humans will tolerate long, slow, painful declines, we have a short fuse when it comes to fixes. Think of weight gain. (Okay, don't. But it is a good example.) We'll tolerate a slow and steady expansion of the waist. But when we're finally ready to act, the damn diet and work out regimen better work and fast! If they don't, we'll try something else. And then something else yet again.

The same holds true for leadership. A year, for most of us, is a fair amount of time to allow you, our new leader, to develop and implement plans to make appropriate change. And, hey, given vacations and summer, we'll let that 1-year deadline slide a bit. Generous of us, no? But if we haven't seen a new direction and, critically, results in 18 months, we may have to start looking for someone who can get the job done.

We are, indeed, an incredibly impatient animal.

Time in. Back to the action.

With widespread support and great fanfare, you've been selected to fix huge problems that have taken years to develop. And despite the contract you signed, specifying salary and years, you should know that a clock is ticking. A peculiar clock it is, too, as the ticking grows increasingly loud as it approaches and passes the 1-year mark.

Sound familiar? It should. Because we're witnessing a stunning example of this dynamic right before our eyes. President Obama has been in office only several days beyond a year and is already dealing with the impatience of the American people. Fixed the economy yet? Delivered health care reform? Guantanamo closed as you said it would be? Oh, and what about those two wars we're fighting? Dude, what have you been up to?

The defining moment -- regardless of its direct relevance -- was the Republican victory in the Massachusetts race for the Senate seat vacated by Ted Kennedy. The immediate outcome, of course, was 3-fold:

• Elimination of the 60-40 Democrat-Republican split in the Senate that prevented Republican filibustering and ensured the passage of any bill supported by the Democrats

• Wind in the sails of the Republicans, who could now, for the first time in months, claim victory for something they did (rather that something they prevented), and

• A backing off of the health care reform debate by the Democrats.

In the midst of this, could you hear the ever-increasing volume of that 18-month clock? Tick tock, indeed.

Too bad Obama didn't think to call us. Had he, we would have told him the same thing we tell all new executives hired to make substantive change:

1. Define a vision for the enterprise
   
2. Clearly articulate 'success', identifying a short list of accomplishments that must be achieved in the next 12-18 months.
   
3. Create a leadership team that you trust, that will achieve the vision, and that will operate in your style.
   
4. Identify individuals who can support the leadership team and who will operate in your style. (You'll need them for special projects and key leadership roles.)
   
5. Invite others in the organization to join you in your quest. Accept those who can perform to your standards and who will operate in your style. Ask all others to seek work elsewhere.
6. Outline a plan to achieve the short list of accomplishments that you established.
7. Measure your progress monthly during your first 18 months. Quarterly thereafter.

And we could have showed him how to do this.

President Obama, enough with the compromise. Enough with your penchant for 'reaching across the aisle'. Enough with your inclusiveness-to-a-fault style. (I mean, really. You invited, of all people, George W. to help with Haiti? Isn't he the guy who didn't seem all that interested in saving his own people after Katrina?) It's time to get tough with your own party. What have they been doing with the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that 60 votes in the Senate affords?

You're the President. You've got the big stick. It's time to use it.

Tick tock. Tick TOCK. TICK TOCK.

Bad Assumptions

We're entering only the 3rd week of the new year and it's fair to say that we're not off to a great start. The incomprehensible devastation that is Haiti tops the list. If you haven't already done so, please consider donating anything you can to Doctors Without Borders, Oxfam, or any organization you think might get supplies and services to Haiti quickly. Even easier, text 'Haiti' to 90999 from your cell phone to make an automatic $10 donation to the Red Cross. Text often. Please.

This is when we, as a citizenry, shine. We're often good at opening our hearts and wallets when people near us are undone by nature. And make no mistake about it: Haiti has been undone. As a result, opportunities to contribute abound. Organizations are coming forward -- including, among many others, the National Football League -- to donate help to these people who are in desperate need. Even many of the television networks are coming together Friday evening to raise money for Haiti.

Yet, in the midst of the rush to provide whatever assistance we can, there's the other Rush who, in yet another amazingly insensitive, ignorant, inhumane and, what?, brutish display urged his listeners not to help Haiti in any way. Is this the lack of drugs talking (detox is a bitch, right Rush?) or was the man dropped on his head two or three times too often as a child? Regardless, Rush Limbaugh's actions are a reminder that evolution is a slow and painful process.

And then there's Pat Robertson's assertion that Haiti's plight was sealed years ago as a result of a 'pact with the devil'. The 'curse', according to Pat, is a 'true story'. While another wonderful example of buffoonery in all of its splendor, at least Pat made this claim while seeking to raise relief money for Haiti. At least that.

Please join me in proving that humanity trumps ignorance. Choose to help rather than to judge or scorn. Send whatever cash you can. You'll feel good while helping others.

Speaking of galling ignorance -- one of our favorite topics -- it's time to introduce Bad Assumptions, the game where things sound right, until you see that something's wrong. Often terribly wrong. Watch and you'll see.

Let's start easy. NBC. Can we assume that the leadership of this once-great television network has the first clue about how to reinvent itself? If we do, it's a bad assumption.

Leno at 10? Leno now at 11:30? Conan gone? The brunt of jokes from far and wide?

First of all, like anyone cares.

Secondly, what were they thinking in the first place?

A horrendously bad assumption.

Last week, Mark McGwire, in what looked to be a bold and soul-cleansing move, announced to the world what most baseball fans long-suspected: That he had indulged regularly in performance-enhancing drugs during many of his ball playing years. Not only that, but Mark admitted juicing during the year when he broke Roger Maris's single-season home run record. (Was their a soul on Earth who was surprised? I think not.) On a positive note, he did do an honorable thing by calling the widow of Roger Maris to apologize. But, can we assume Mark came clean, so to speak? For even in his admission, Mark rejected the notion that the performance-enhancing drugs he took actually enhanced his performance! Instead, he gave credit repeatedly to 'the man upstairs' for giving him homerun-hitting gifts. (Did his drug source live above him?) Mark, the drugs may not have enhanced your eye-hand coordination. But, dude, the drugs undoubtedly made you stronger and, in the process, helped balls you hit travel farther than they would have under normal circumstances. Good try, Mark. But it's a bad assumption to believe you truly came clean.

Given all of the talk about steriods in the game, many assume that major league baseball (read: the Commissioner, the owners) actually cares about running a clean league. That would be a bad assumption. Bud Selig -- who has the street sense of someone who has no clue about reality -- now believes that baseball has accomplished its mission of ridding the league of performance-enhancing drugs. Keep in mind that our beloved Bud was one of many baseball team owners who reaped the rewards of stadia filled because of juiced ball players. Hard to tell what he really thinks (the photo here likely gives us a strong hint), but it would be a bad assumption to believe he's sufficiently concerned about the integrity of the game -- and the health of the players -- to do anything substantive about it. There's simply too much money in home runs.

And then there's Fox News. As we wrote in August of last year ("Walter, We Need You More Than Ever"), the vast number of people who watch Fox News believe they're receiving actual news. After all, the channel is called Fox News. But it's a bad assumption to believe that the network provides the news. Need proof? Just last week Fox News announced that none other than Sarah Palin will join their team. Sarah Palin, News Commentator. 'nuff said?

Yet despite the abundance of bad assumptions we can make as 2010 begins, let's take a moment to remember the passion and intelligence that was Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., whose birthday we honor this week. A remarkable man during a remarkable era in this country's history. Arguably one of the most influential people in the 20th century. We have a great deal to thank him for. And like most who seek change in the face of undaunting challenge, we can only wonder how things would be different had he lived to reach old age.

Happy Birthday, Dr. King! We remember. We'll always remember.

Cal Should Learn From Jack

Jack Welch was right about a lot of things. It was Jack who said:

If you don't have a competitive advantage don't compete.

And:

The team with the best players wins.

He was also clear about adaptability:

An organization's ability to learn, and translate that learning into action rapidly, is the ultimate competitive advantage.

Lastly, at least for now, Jack was steadfast about winning. His mantra while at GE was that 'success' could be defined as being the #1 or #2 player in your market. Anything else was failure. Businesses Jack ran that failed to become and remain the #1 or #2 player in their market were either sold or disbanded.

A great teacher, a believer in the power of people, an inspiring leader.

Too bad my alma mater hasn't learned a thing from him.

The University of California at Berkeley is, arguably, one of the top 5 public universities in the United States. U.S. News & World Report last year proclaimed Cal the top public university in the country. Its Graduate School Survey stated that Berkeley was the only university to achieve top 5 rankings in all of the Ph.D. disciplines included in the study.

The faculty, researchers and alumni account for 65 Nobel Laureates. Teams led at Berkeley by Glenn T. Seaborg (Ph.D., Berkeley, 1937) have discovered, at last count, 12 chemical elements, including Americium, Berkelium and Californium. (A nice tradition among physicists: Discover an element and you name it.) Indeed, nearly all of the elements filling the bottom row of the Periodic Table were discovered at Berkeley or by Berkeley-educated physicists.

Berkeley, of course, has also been the hotbed of political thinking. From Mario Savio leading the Free Speech Movement in the '60s to the protests against our involvement in Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia and the People's Park riots of the '70s, Berkeley is synonymous with radicalism or, as we who know the university well prefer to think, a willingness to speak out and act when speaking out and acting are needed.

And speaking of acting, Gregory Peck was a Berkeley alum. As was Supreme Court Chief Justice Earl Warren. As were the founders or co-founders of such companies as: Apple, Intel, LSI Logic, The Gap, MySpace, PowerBar, Chez Panisse, MoveOn.org, Scharffen Berger Chocolate, Sun Microsystems, and The Learning Company.

Unfortunately, Cal's tradition of academic excellence is not matched -- not even remotely -- by its performance in athletics. Aside from its men's rugby club (with 24 national championships) and its men's water polo team (with 13), the university has a long and deep history of failure in sports. Actually, 'failure' doesn't even begin to describe it when the two big money sports -- football and basketball -- are considered. 'Woeful inadequacy' comes closer. Better yet is 'heart-ripped-painfully-and-traumatically-from-one's-chest-every-damn-year'.

Of what do I speak? Cal plays in the Pac 10, competing with 9 other schools in the conference. The winner of the conference plays in the Rose Bowl. Cal's last appearance in the Rose Bowl? 1959, losing to Iowa. The last time they won the Rose Bowl? 1938 against Alabama.

Think about that for a minute. All things equal, what are the odds of a team ending the season at the top of a 10-team conference? Right. 1 in 10. So, all things equal, you might expect a team to win the conference every 10 years or so. (Of course all things are not equal. The Pac 10 also contains USC, the only remaining professional football team in Los Angeles. Watch the news over the next week or two. You'll see yet again to what I refer.) But the Pac 10 didn't always contain 10 teams. It used to have only 8, significantly improving the probability of any one team winning the conference. Even so, Cal's last Pac 10 championship and appearance in the Rose Bowl was over 50 years ago.

And what about national championships? The last time Cal football was a national champion was, ready?, in 1922 when it shared the honor with none other than Cornell and Princeton. What good times those must have been when Cal, Cornell and Princeton -- top academic institutions -- were the kings of football!

The story of Cal's men's basketball program is only slightly better. Cal last won the conference in 1960 -- when it was the Pac 8! The previous year, a Pete Newell-led Cal team won the National Championship beating West Virginia 71-70.

Cal certainly had things going in sports in 1959. Too bad they've done almost nothing in the last 50 years.

And that's precisely to my point. Jack was right. If you can't become and remain a #1 or #2 player in the market, get out. It's time Cal listened. It's time Cal got out of the business of football and basketball.

Admit it Cal, you just don't know how to produce winners in football and basketball. You can't even produce teams that regularly finish #2. You've had 50 years to learn this important lesson. How much longer do you need? And as painful as it is for me to say this, being a football season ticket holder since I taught at Berkeley in the '80s, it's time to hang up the football spikes and basketball sneakers.

Do the right thing, Cal. Put a fork in your football and basketball programs. Save the money you're investing in athletes who continue to graduate with degrees in 'American Studies', whatever that is, should they even stay that long before transferring, dropping out or opting for the NFL draft. Save the money you're paying coaches who have not gotten the best players, have not adapted, and, as a result, do not have a competitive advantage.

And consider this: Memorial Stadium, the home of my beloved California Golden Bear football team, is being torn in half by the Hayward Fault. The fault runs downs the middle of the field from end zone to end zone and is slowly but surely pulling the east side of the stadium in the opposite direction from the west side of the stadium. Talk about an absolutely clear and unavoidable sign that the program was not meant to be!

There's no shame in trying and failing, Cal. There is shame in being too stupid to learn from 50 years of futility. Put us all out of our misery. Please. Even real golden bears exhibit greater intelligence.

Unless, of course, you can produce a winner sometime during my lifetime.

Resolutions

Welcome to 2010! A new year, a new decade, another chance to get things rights.

It's in that spirit of new beginnings that we offer a list of resolutions, one we've worked hard to keep short. Long lists, after all, are rarely achieved, possibly because we're all such gifted rationalizers. Not surprisingly, our ability to avoid taking action -- even on things that might improve our health -- tends to increase with the number of recommendations. Case in point: Your doctor telling you to lose weight, exercise, stop smoking, drink less, get more sleep, and avoid daytime television. (If you ask me, it's time for a new doctor!) Given the depth and breadth of the doctor's directives, many of us will avoid taking meaningful steps to achieve any of them -- largely due to our powers of rationalization.

Ah, but if the list is short we humans -- and I'm only speaking to the humans among us -- find it more difficult to create and maintain useful rationalizations to avoid taking action. Not impossible, just more difficult. It's for this reason, that the following list is short. Quite short, as a matter of fact. Maybe this will help us accomplish them.

So, for this new year of 2010 (and, of course, it's 20-10; you don't refer to the year 1910 as 1,910 now do you?) we offer the following resolutions:

• We will walk, bike and take public transportation whenever possible, avoiding the use of automobiles. Think this is silly? Low-hanging fruit? It may be. But check out the impact we can have by doing this. 'nuff said.
  

• We will learn a new culture. The planet is too small for us not to know more about the many rich cultures that exist here. Greater understanding of and sensitivities to the lifestyle of others are essential if we're to develop mutual respect and support for each other. Pick a culture you know little about and become your local expert, maybe mastering a bit of that culture's language. Start by learning how that culture says 'Please', 'Thank you' and 'You're welcome'. It will tell you a ton about their people.

• We will improve the workplace. We all spend way too many hours at work for it not to be more satisfying. In every place of work, there are 1 or 2 things that can be done to make it more productive, more successful. Actions that can accelerate growth. Our bet is that you already know what those things are. Do something about them in 2010, ideally soon. Your coworkers and your customers will thank you.

That's our list. Short, sweet and imminently doable. We've already signed up and committed. Possible for you to join us? We'd be honored to have you with us.

Have fun as you dig out from under the enormous pile of e- and voice mails. Figuring this will take the better part of the week, we'll leave you alone until next Monday.

And, again, happy New Year! May the year be filled with health, happiness and good wine.

To A New Decade

With only a week remaining in the decade -- one that seemed to speed by, no? -- it's natural to look back over the 10-year period that helped define a new reality for this country and the world.

We can begin with September 11, 2001. We can end with the global financial crisis of 2008.

In between, we staged a preemptive invasion of a foreign country. The Supreme Court was needed to determine the outcome of a presidential election. Katrina revealed the dark underbelly of a government all too slow to come to the rescue of its poor. A devastating tsunami ravaged Southeast Asia. Viruses with peculiar names -- SARS, avian flu, swine flu -- scared us. We elected an African-American to the highest post in the land. Hundreds of thousands lost their homes; millions lost their jobs.

We watched space shuttle Columbia explode. We struggled with inequities (Wall Street vs. Main Street) and geography (the ability to see Russia from one's home). We observed as reputations were forever tarnished due to 'performance-enhancing' drugs and 'transgressions'. We learned to post, text, and tweet on our smart phones -- all while driving. We only talked as a famine and civil war decimated Somalia.

We said good-bye to far too many greats: Walter C., Peter J., Ted K., Eunice K., Paul N., Red A., Marcel M., Soupy S., Cyd C., Norman M., Bill W., Bea A., Arthur M., Michael J., Shana A., Richard P., Saul B., Betty F., Hunter T., Rona J., Zalman Y., Beverly S., Luciano P., Mary T., Robert M., Deborah K., George H., Johnny C. to name only a very few.

And in the decade's waning moments, we failed miserably in Copenhagen yet, somehow, created the framework to deliver health care to all U.S. citizens.

A horrific, tumultuous, maddening, life-changing decade. One with rays of hope sprinkled in, but only every so often.

I, for one, am ready for a new decade. One with a passion for helping those in need, strong economic growth, and a commitment to the planet. And a whole lot less death and destruction.

So, please, join me in a toast to 2010 and a new chance to show that we're capable of learning from the past. Here's to:

• Recycling, composting, tiny carbon footprints and the smell of fresh-baked bread

• Actually looking forward to reviewing your 401(k) statement and a return to affordable university tuition

• New jobs, less debt and genuine smiles

• A return to true investigative reporting and the FCC requiring Fox News to drop 'News' from its name

• 'Please', 'thank you', and holding doors
  

• A passion for helping others -- regardless of their continent -- and a commitment to consider those in need as family

• A return to the essence of banking as practiced by A.P. Giannini, the founder of Bank of America, who provided egalitarian banking services to the "little fellows", as he put it, in the mainstream and immigrant communities of California
  

• A real playoff system for college football and our teams being a part of it

• Driving less, walking more, and saying 'hello' to those you pass on the street

• Sharing good music, great books and fabulous wine

• Friends, family, joy and love

• Replacing 'no problem' -- as a reply to 'thank you' -- with 'you're welcome' or the very gracious 'with pleasure' (No problem?! I say "thank you" and you say "no problem"? You only filled my water glass or brought me the bill. I certainly hope it wasn't a problem!) (Sorry. I really don't like the expression. 'No worries' is only slightly better.)
  

• An eagerness to learn from others, especially those you most disagree with

• The Democrats for getting their act together on health care and the Republicans for completely and utterly missing the point that their job is to help people, and lastly
  

• The end to war and the beginning of a united fight to end hunger worldwide.
  

Let's get the next 10 years right, starting with 2010.

Happy New Year! Welcome to the second decade of the 21st century.

Wishes

The Trevi Fountain in Rome. The perfect place to make a wish. In this case, a set of wishes. We're nearing the end of the year, so it seems only appropriate, no?

But before we go there, let's identify those airports from last week. If you said, reading down the page:

• Beijing
  
• Denver
  
• San Francisco
• Paris's Roissy-Charles deGaulle
  
• Hong Kong
• Madrid

give yourself 5 points. (No point given for identifying SFO, since its name is clearly visible in the photo.) Give yourself 100 points if you've been to all of them. (Sorry. No partial credit given for having been to only some of these airports. It's my game and thems the rules.)

Back to Rome. We're standing before the magnificent Trevi Fountain with the opportunity to wish for anything as the New Year approaches. It's crowded and our time in front of the fountain is limited. We'll only have a few minutes to make our wishes. What do we wish for?

Here are our humble suggestions (listed in random order):

• The end to war. Haven't we seen enough already? On Wednesday, it took an entire page of the San Francisco Chronicle to report on a series of car bombings that took place around the world the previous day. (Please no jokes about the use of the words 'Chronicle' and 'report' in the same sentence. That would be way too easy.) And that was just Wednesday. It's absolutely amazing that religion has been and continues to be one of the primary reasons for bloodshed. We're all part of this. Indeed, Hanukkah is the commemoration of the first recorded fight for religious freedom. Of course, fighting for freedom is one thing. Fighting to oppress in the name of religion is quite another. And our country's attempt to end the fighting of others by fighting is a futile strategy we've seen all too recently. (Think Vietnam.) Will we ever learn? I wish we would.
  

• More people helping more people. If there was ever a time when a large number of people need help, this is it. Whether they be in the neighborhood, down the street or in a land far from home, we wish for more people to get involved to help. And it doesn't have to be in a big way. Small things from many people add up quickly and can have a huge impact. Providing health care for everyone in this country is another important step to helping those less fortunate. Isn't giving the true spirit of this season? Let's make giving what we do year-round.
  

• A commitment to address global warming. Despite what some would say -- Sarah, this is for you -- the 'so-called experts', as you put it, are indeed experts. They have the training, have done the research, have evaluated the data, and they conclude that we're in for a set of potentially catastrophic, cataclysmic events that will change our planet forever. Said simply so you'll get this, Sarah, we're killing Earth. And the effects are accelerating. (That means the bad stuff is speeding up, Sarah.) Doubt the experts? Stand with the polar bears as their world melts around them. Our wish is that we listen very carefully to the experts and do something about it. All of us. Now.

• Free the working millions. We wish for employers everywhere to allow their people to contribute more to their organizations. Transform culture so that winning, becoming world-class is the focus. More honest communication, more involvement in decisions, more latitude in dealing with customers, less hierarchy, more employee-lead teams, less reliance on supervision, more independent thought. Engage front-line people in solving your organization's most pressing issues and, surprise!, you'll find that you've got a lot of smart, resourceful people on your payroll. People who can make your organization thrive. And, of course, if you need help making this happen, give us a call. (Hey, we haven't had a shameless plug in weeks. We were due.)
  

Our top four wishes, submitted for your review.

I know, I know. What about things closer to home? Like people holding doors for you? Or slow drivers staying in the slow lane? Or Cal reaching the Rose Bowl or the San Francisco Giants winning the World Series?

Sorry. We only had a few minutes at the fountain and wanted to focus on things that seemed possible.

Actually, we do have one last wish. We wish The Job of Work's mom a very happy and healthy 80th birthday! The irreverence you read here is largely due to her.

Happy Birthday, Ma!

Have a very merry Christmas and see you next week.

Come Fly

It's been said -- at least from an architecture standpoint -- that if you've seen one airport, you've seen one airport.

Let that observation sit for a moment. If you've seen one airport, you've seen one airport.

Check out the photos and you might agree. (By the way, can you name the six airports? If you have trouble naming even one, please consider glasses, less alcohol and/or another blog. Check back next week for their identities.)

Indeed, if you spend any time at all in airports you know that no two airport structures are alike. Most are beautiful, evoking the wonder and romance of travel. A number seek to hearken to the days of the grand rail stations. Some remind us of our penchant for exploration and wonder.

If you have the time or inclination to notice the architecture, that is.

Unfortunately, despite the awe-inspiring buildings (LaGuardia aside), most airports fall significantly short of eliciting enjoyment and pleasure -- at least when the true customer experience is considered. Too bad, too, given that most airports are eager for you, the traveling public, to experience the luxury, convenience and excitement of air travel.

Ah, the joys of air travel. Right. You call this joy?

• Traffic cops, who seem to have lost all ability to smile or even say anything pleasantly, insisting that you can't stop for more than 10 seconds to unload even the most frail traveler.

• The wait -- and fees! -- to check baggage (not, of course, the fault of the airport).
  

• The lines and fun of security, an experience made even more wildly entertaining when it's raining and the floor is damp (love wet feet, no?) or when the person at the head of the line can't quite get the idea that you can't wear your overcoat through the magnetometer.
  

• The stop at the bathroom (Over/Under Bet: That there are more paper towels on the floor than in the receptacles).

• Standing in line at any concessionaire, few of whom make eye contact or seem to appreciate your business (Another Over/Under Bet: That not all cash registers are open despite a long line).

• Trekking to the gate, looking for an electrical outlet (almost always a lost cause).

• Trying to use your phone over the cacophony of constant and aggravating public address announcements throughout the concourse reminding us incessantly how to prepare for the security screen -- even though we've already survived it! -- or that "the white zone is for the loading and unloading of passengers only. No parking." And every PA announcement amp turned up to 11. (A gratuitous This Is Spinal Tap reference.)
  

• Finding out that the 'WiFi Here!' signs really mean 'Pay $9.95 for an hour and we'll let you find your (slow) way to the Internet, thank you very much'.

• Needing to get in line yet again to board your plane (Certainly there must be an alternative to forming boarding lines, no? Enough with the lines already!).

• Finally, once on board there's the joy of sitting behind someone who reclines into your face, nearly crushing your computer. And, if you're truly lucky, sitting beside someone who can't quite fit into the seat (if you know what I mean and I'm sure you do). All nice people to be sure, but people who you wish were sitting anywhere else.

• And, lastly, as we've mentioned here before, trying to enjoy the flight with the benefit of less-than-civil 'service'. Certainly nothing to eat. Maybe a second cup of water, maybe not. Maybe a smile, maybe not.
  

Is there any wonder, then, why the gorgeous airport architecture goes unnoticed? Or why the idea of traveling by bus seems, somehow, attractive?

As I've asked before: Whatever happened to service? To a little eye contact? To a smile? To -- are you sitting? -- some warmth? Is this all too much to ask?

It seems that when you enter an airport you should be transported -- at least emotionally -- to a world of amazing and vast possibilities. Where each gate leads to another, more exotic destination. (No Cleveland jokes here; too many family members live nearby.) Where exploration begins. Where the world gathers to find its way home. Where loved ones part and reunite. And where the airport staff -- whether they be bus drivers, traffic cops, baggage handlers, ticket agents, TSA, concessionaires, or airport employees -- take the time to help you relax, if just a bit, and create a gracious, welcoming environment equal to the structure you're in. (LaGuardia does this well. The ambiance the airport staff creates is, indeed, equal to its dismal terminal. Sorry, but true.)

After all, airports want and need you. Too bad they don't act that way.

Let me leave you with the opening scene of the wonderful movie Love Actually, which captures one huge element of what airports are and should be about. (Haven't seen it? Rent it today. You'll be glad you did.)

Happy Hanukkah!