Dear Mr. President, Part II

Dear Mr. President:

I hope you and your family had a relaxing vacation on Martha's Vineyard.

Now that you've returned to Washington and are back at it, so to speak, I'd like to draw your attention to a letter I wrote to you on August 8. In it I laid out an approach to our serious unemployment problem that would put millions back to work and, simultaneously, upgrade tens of thousands of schools in the United States. As a quick reminder, I called for:

1. The painting, updating, and otherwise improving of every public school in this country.

2. Hiring someone to teach every 25 children.

3. Lastly, hiring someone to assist every teacher in every classroom.

I also offered the services of my firm to design and coordinate this massive undertaking. At a fee, I might add, substantially below that of Halliburton.

The estimated first-year price tag for this project: $50 billion.

Seems like a worthy investment, no? $50 billion to put an estimated 5 million people back to work upgrading thousands of public schools across this great land of ours. Think of the value. Think of how it would inspire others to act. Think of the votes, Mr. President. Think of the votes.

Alas, I still await your response. I know how busy you must be (a was, after all, an avid fan of The West Wing), but it's been three weeks, Sir. I thought that by now someone from your office would have contacted me. Jed Bartlet would have been in touch by now, you can be sure.

In the meantime, I have another proposal for you. If upgrading thousands of our schools, enhancing the educational experience of millions of school-age children, and putting 5 million people back to work doesn't quite do it for you in this mid-term election year (why is anyone's guess), consider this 2-part recommendation:

1. Repair 100,000 playgrounds and ball fields across the country.

2. Introduce a new, improved and more aggressive version of President Kennedy's fitness program -- this time designed to include everyone.


[A little background: The President's Council on Youth Fitness was actually President Eisenhower's doing. Introduced on July 16, 1956, the Council was comprised of cabinet members and had as its first chair then-Vice President Richard Nixon. It was a good idea that went nowhere fast (and, no, Nixon is not to blame) until Jack Kennedy came along. Under President Kennedy, it became one of the defining programs of the early '60s, involving millions of school-age children in becoming more physically fit.]

Yes, that's my current proposal: Fix the playgrounds and the ball fields and implement a physical fitness program for young and old(er) alike. The program is designed to encourage walking, hiking, biking, and playing on an individual, team and neighborhood basis. While most of us have no control over the economy, we do have control over how we choose to live. This program would focus on the value and, dare I say it?, the fun of being active and of playing. We believe it could have a profound long-term effect on our country.

If justification is needed, consider this:

• Over a billion people on the planet are considered overweight and at least 300 million are clinically obese (and EVERY ONE of them has sat next to me in a middle seat on an airplane!) It is estimated that 2/3 of the U.S. population is either overweight or clinically obese, with roughly 1/3 of the U.S. being clinically obese. (The ad to the right is from the early '60s. Rather prescient, don't you think?)
  

• Obesity and overweight pose a major risk for serious chronic diseases, including: Type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, hypertension and stroke, certain forms of cancer, increased risk of premature death, and serious chronic conditions that reduce the overall quality of life.
  

• Childhood obesity is already epidemic. According to the U.S. Surgeon General, the number of overweight children in our country has doubled and the number of overweight adolescents has tripled since 1980. The prevalence of obese children aged 6-to-11 years has more than doubled since the 1960s. At present, 12.4% of children ages 2-5 are overweight, 17.0% of children ages 6-11 are overweight and 17.6% of teens 12-19 are overweight.
  

• The health costs related directly and indirectly to obesity and overweight are staggering. Some estimates put the price at $1,429 more annually per overweight or obese person than their normal weight counterparts. If 2/3 of our country is overweight or obese and the added health care cost for each of them is $1,429, we're talking billions of dollars here, Mr. President.

And if that isn't sufficient justification, consider the number of registered voters you'd be employing (about 5 million) and those whose quality of life would improve via our program (countless millions).

The investment necessary for this recommendation: $48 billion before corporate sponsorships. (Think Nike and Reebok might be interested in teaming with you to increase the health of the nation and maybe sell some sneakers along the way? We do.) The $48 billions does, by the way, include the un-Halliburton-like fees for my firm to design and execute this ambitious plan. A detailed budget is available upon request. (Request away, Sir. Operators are standing by.)

A second proposal, Mr. President. This time to address our unemployment problem and the serious health issues related to being overweight and clinically obese. We need some inspiration, Sir, and an initiative of this type could be just the ticket.

Welcome back.

So Much For Tolerance

Thanks for all of the cards and letters in response to last week's blog about tolerance. While many appreciated the sentiment -- "yes, of course, tolerance is a good thing and we should all demonstrate more patience for and understanding of others", wrote one person -- many had a slightly different take on the topic. To sum up that reaction, let me quote a particularly eloquent individual who wrote:

Are you out of your @#%$^& mind?!?!? You going soft on us? Too much Zen in your life??? Hanging out again in Berkeley for long periods of time?!??? Dude, what have you been smoking?!?? That crystal meth has done one huge number on you, my friend."

So much for tolerance. But you've got to love the use of italics and question marks.

In addition to the attack on my mental state (fair) and my Berkeley roots (unfair!) -- both of which left me feeling a bit taken aback -- many offered a list of people and situations that are so appalling, so confrontational, so insensitive that they no way, no how qualify for tolerance. Instead, they demand intolerance. In a big way.

I have heard you! As a public service and to champion the concept of tolerance, I share with you the best examples you offered. Here, then, is your list of uncivilized, uncouth, boorish people and behaviors that require active, aggressive intolerance. These include:

• Those drivers who wait until the very last opportunity to merge into slow traffic, thus causing an even longer back-up

• Anyone who refers to him or herself in the 3rd person

• Any member of the Tea Party

• Anyone who thinks their God and/or religion is superior to any other

• Cigarette smokers who consider Earth their ashtray

• Republicans

• Democrats

• Priests who mess with children

• Anyone who uses 'moral imperative' or 'moral majority' to prevent others from enjoying rights these people already have

• Racists

• Rude people

• Stupid people ("Or at least anyone less intelligent than me." someone wrote.)

• Grossly overweight people eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken who order diet drinks ("I mean really! If you're going to go for it, go for it.")

• People who don't return phone calls or e-mails -- but expect you to and complain when you don't

• The person in the airline seat in front of you who suddenly and quickly reclines fully

• Anyone talking on their mobile phone in a theater, bathroom, or airplane

• Anyone who is unable to drive the #*%#*@ speed limit while on their phone, and, of course,

• Intolerant people.
  

And you know what? You're right! These people have earned our wrath. Let us show contempt with all the glory we can muster. Let us walk with strong back, head held high and intolerance in our heart for the myopic, ignorant, self-centered, selfish people among us. They've earned it and we're just the people to give it to them. So, go forth and be intolerant! It's the least we can do.

Wow. This is working. I feel better already.

Is A Little Tolerance Too Much To Ask?

So it's been a week since I offered the President a potential solution to our economic situation (see last week's blog) and what have I gotten in return? Nada, zip, bupkis. You'd think he or someone from the White House would have called or written. Not like I was expecting Air Force One to show up (Actually, I thought they'd send a smaller jet, something more discrete.), but an e-mail or, hey, a text, would have been nice. An insincere "thank you for your ideas and concern". A "we're having our people at the GAO take a look at the feasibility of your ideas". A "we're too busy to get back to you in any meaningful way". Even a "interesting notion; please keep others to yourself" would have been appreciated.

But to have not replied at all, to have done nothing? I'm disappointed, Mr. President. Very disappointed. Even so, I'll give you another week.

Speaking of disappointment, let's consider three news items from last week, all connected by a common thread:

• A mosque near Ground Zero in New York City. You've hopefully followed the story of a plan to build a mosque near the site of the Trade Towers in Manhattan. Not on Ground Zero, as protesters would have you believe, but nearby. The Mayor of New York and the President have both stated that the site of the Trade Towers is considered hallowed ground. They've also stated, Obama eloquently, that building a mosque, no matter how close to Ground Zero, is what this country is about: Freedom of religion. Regardless, this is a highly-charged, emotionally-laden topic for many. While both sides argue passionately, I wonder where tolerance has gone.
  

• The repeal of California's Prop 8. Last week, U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker overturned the vote that outlawed same-sex marriage in the state of California. In his sweeping 136-page decision, he wrote "The evidence shows conclusively that moral and religious views form the only basis for a belief that same-sex couples are different from opposite-sex couples. These interests do not provide a rational basis for supporting Proposition 8." The topic of marriage is, to be sure, an emotional powder keg which has already been ignited. Equal rights on one side of the argument, protection of traditional marriage on the other. Again, while both sides argue passionately, I wonder where tolerance has gone.

• Steven Slater. As you certainly know, this is the Jet Blue flight attendant who, having had enough of at least one rude passenger, swore over the public address system, deployed the emergency chute, grabbed a couple of beers from the galley and exited the plane via the slide. In the process becoming a folk hero of sorts and creating an adult version of a children's game soon to be marketed as Chutes & Lagers. (Okay. I made up the last part.) While his actions may or may not have been cool -- passengers of that flight are now coming forward saying that Steven was testy before the flight departed -- the question remains: Where is the tolerance? Both on the part of the rude passenger and, of course, on Slater's part?

And therein lies my disappointment: The lack of tolerance. The inability and/or unwillingness to discuss emotional issues with some civility and, possibly, resolve them. The unwillingness of many to co-exist with those who hold opposing views. The belief that one's personal viewpoint is somehow superior to those held by others.

It's as if many believe that this town, so to speak, is not big enough for both of us -- and it's you who has to go. Which, if true, is disappointing. And wrong.

Intolerance is a killer. It perpetuates divisiveness. It breeds contempt. It tears the very fabric that defines a community. Unfortunately, it's also a very human trait.

The mosque will be built. Same-sex marriage will be legalized. Rude people will always exist. Our Constitution ensures all three. It's how we deal with these issues -- during and afterward -- that will determine our ability to move forward as a sane and mature society.

Dear Mr. President

Happy 49th birthday, sir! I trust it was a good day and an even better week for you. The oil has stopped flowing into the gulf, your appointment to the Supreme Court was confirmed, and we'll soon be out of Iraq. (Right, sir? You did say so. You do remember saying that, don't you?) That Prop 8 in California was ruled unconstitutional came later, but still made for a good week, no?

My 49th birthday was a bit different, by the way, but that's a story for another day.

But, hey, want to make your 50th year even better? How about this: Put an end to this terrible economic blight. You can do it! Here's how.

A proposal to the President

I have a proposal, sir, one that will address the high unemployment rate and the economy, which, by all local accounts, needs big help. Don't believe the stuff you're being told, Mr. President. It's tough out here. Many people are hurting. Even those with jobs are working longer hours, have less security, and are spending less. (I know you know this -- at least I hope you do -- but sometimes even I wonder, sir.)

Here's my proposal:

1. Use the vast resources at your disposal and put a huge number of people to work painting, updating, and otherwise improving every public school in this country.

2. While you're at it, hire someone to teach every 25 children in this country.

3. Lastly, hire someone to assist every teacher in every classroom.

And that's it.

What?, you say? You suggest, Alan, having the federal government get into the business of updating our schools and staffing every school currently under-staffed?

Yes. That's exactly what I propose, sir. You've still got it, Mr. President. Even at 49.

We did it once before and it worked pretty well. Remember the Work Projects Administration? Sure you do. Created in 1935 under the New Deal, the WPA was designed to stimulate the economy during the Great Depression and preserve the skills and self-respect of unemployed people by providing them useful work. During its existence, the WPA employed 8.5 million people in the construction of 650,000 miles of roads, 125,000 public buildings, 75,000 bridges, 8,000 parks, and 800 airports. The WPA also administered the WPA Federal Art Project, the Theater Project, and the Writers' Project, which provided jobs for unemployed artists, actors, and writers. The WPA existed until 1943, when World War II ended unemployment.

I say let's do it again! No, not another war. A federal program to put people to work.

How cool would this be, Mr. President! Paint and update every school in the United States. The Hawthorne Effect alone will drive performance improvement across the country. Staff every school so that no class is larger than 25. Ensure that every teacher has an aide.

How cool would it be to get people back to work and have them doing something meaningful?

Very cool. Actually, it would be amazingly cool.

How much are we talking? Say 5 million people at $50,000/year + health benefits (at 35%) = $34 billion or so. Add another $16 billion for paint, equipment, a nets for the basketball hoops. (Every hoop has got to have a net.) So the cost of getting 5 million people back to work and improving every damn school in this country is, what, $50 billion and change annually? Dude, that's a budgetary rounding error. Sign a check and we can get this rolling today. My firm volunteers to head the effort. (Where 'volunteer' means paid nicely, but not nearly as nicely as Halliburton.) And the money we'll save by leaving Iraq will pay for this many times over.

Oh, and another thing. Don't try to 'reach across the aisle' on this one, sir. You'll just get your hand slapped again. (Man, haven't you learned?)

So, let's get this party started. Are you with me, Mr. President? Think of the children. Think of 5 million people having money to shop. Think of a stimulated economy. Think of the next election. (You do like the job, don't you?)

Are you with me now?

A Public Service to the Clintons

Not that anyone asked, mind you, but the Clintons may need a short course in Yiddish. What with Chelsea marrying a Jew over the weekend and all. Unless, of course, you picked up some of this amazing language in Arkansas, Bill and Hillary, consider it a public service. My very small way of saying 'Mazel tov!'

(By the way, I hope you didn't wish the bride and groom mavel tov. It's considered bad luck to wish a newly-married couple good luck. And, no, I'm not meshuggah.)

But, hey, what if the Clintons did pick up some Yiddish in Little Rock? It is possible, after all. Had they, then the wedding conversation might have gone something like this...

What a wedding it was! I'm sure you were filled with naches, Hillary and Bill, as Chelsea and Marc stood under the chupah, both looking so good, such a sheine punim, she in her Vera Wang, he, such a mensch in his nice kippah and tallis. And even as you were wondering why Chelsea couldn't have found a non-Jew (what, there were no goyim to be found?), you knew that this union was beshert. Indeed, altz iz gut, altz iz b'seder.

But, oy!, the gonifs! How many millions for the wedding? Good thing there was enough food, Hillary was heard saying to Bill. I mean really! Did you see the chazer at the buffet? Oy Gevalt! Nu? Like he's never heard of a nosh? Such a macher he thinks he is! It's so true what they said in the shtetl: A chazer bleibt a chazer. And later, so blechedich he was. Served him right, the mamzer. And did you see? He eats treyf! Didn't even touch the tsimmis, the schlemiel.

And then there's Marc's mishpokhe, Bill told Hillary (or was it the Rebbe he told?). Thankfully, not a nebbish to be found. (Well, the cousin seems a bit of a kvetch, a lemishkeh. Possibly a shaygetz, I don't know.) And his dad can kush mir in tuchas. He I need in my life like a loch in kop. And did you see the wife? The one wearing the schmatte? Oy!

Marc's parents seem nice, though, Bill continued. They'll make good makhatunim. I just wonder how we'll handle the holidays. They'll expect us at their shul, which is a shlep for us. I'm hardly a shayner yid, and definitely not a baal torah, but I've been known to hit the slivovitz hard. Very hard. Oy veh! Better not to get too shikker. Last time I got all schmutzig. Don't want that to happen again, certainly not on a simcha. They'll think I'm a putz for sure.

Later...

What a day, my daughter!, Bill said as he had the first dance with his now-wed daughter. As we tanz, me your tatte, your alter kocker, you my pritzeh, I remember you being born. I've watched you grow into the woman you are. And today, I can only kvell. May your life be filled with bruchas and may you and Marc soon perform a mitvah, which -- and I'm not being a nudnik! -- will bring the need for a moyhel! A bris! What a simcha that will be! And you, my lovely daughter, will be a balaboosteh just like your mother. Do that and your mother and I will plotz for sure!

Bill and Hillary speaking Yiddish? You can see it, can't you?

Right. Neither can I.

[Interested in the translation? Look here. You'll be glad you did.]