Things Never to Say at Work

On October 19, CBS MoneyWatch.com posted an enthralling column about the 7 phrases never, ever to use at work (or anywhere else). It had its points, to be sure, but it largely missed the barn. By a wide margin. Said another way: Not close enough for horseshoes or even hand grenades. Said one other way: Lame.

Not to cast aspersions on CBS MoneyWatch.com, but we think their 7 phrases was a big swing and a miss. And we should know, right? I mean who swings and misses more often than we at TJOW? When it comes to swings and misses, we are the market leader. (You'll give us that, won't you?)

At any rate, CBS MoneyWatch.com would have you never use these phrases:

• When
• Someday
• Willpower
• Want/Wish/Hope
• Not good enough
• I don't have time, and
• It's not the right time.

Their main points: It's in your control and now is the time.

Nice sentiments. But, as it turns out, none are really about work. We wish they were. (Oops. Sorry. They said to never use the word 'wish'. Don't tell the good folks at CBSMoneyWatch.com who, by the way, ought to be watching money rather than telling us what not to think or say. That's our job.)

So, as a public service we offer TJOW's 7 expressions never, ever to think or say at work.

Here we go:

1. Your crisis is not my concern. Ever notice those at work who bring things to a crashing halt? Those who operate at a different pace, soon to be referred to widely as the Prius Pace? (Ever driven behind a Prius? You know of what we speak. Can't these people drive the speed limit while watching the monitor that shows that they are getting a million miles per gallon? I guess not.) Coworkers who don't have the same level of urgency or simply don't share your concern for delivering quickly? These people should find a new place to play. There are plenty of mediocre companies out there where they'll feel right at home.

2. I'm too old to learn anything new. Without doubt, a bad thing to think and a worse thing to say at work. Many use this as a defense, others as a rationalization. For some, it may be truth. Regardless, you're never too old to learn. It might take you longer to get it, it might involve technology (which is getting easier and more intuitive by the minute) but as long as blood is flowing to your brain, you have the capacity to cram a bit more information into it. Trust us. We know.

3. Remember when? That rear-view-mirror approach to work is a waste, as wistful thinking about how wonderful the past was gets you nowhere. Those days are gone. Get over it. Turn your head in the direction your company is driving. Your neck will feel better almost immediately.

4. We don't need all of our customers. How many times have we heard this one! Especially from those who serve the public daily. Think: Flight attendants, sales reps, customer service staff, bank tellers (or those who used to be called 'tellers'), even executives. Those people who can make or break a company based on the service they provide. Every company should be on the lookout for this potentially profit-killing sentiment and the behaviors that come with it.

5. The feedback can wait until the annual review. Another common thought -- and practice -- in companies everywhere. Why help someone improve their ability to deliver top quality work? Said that way, you'd think honest feedback would be provided as the opportunity arises. But, no. Apparently, giving feedback -- nearly always negative -- is too difficult, takes too much energy, and is something to be avoided. What a shame, because many are missing the chance to up the game of others. And, of course, company performance suffers. Avoid this one like The Plague.

6. You're paying me too much. We at TJOW doubt that this has ever crossed anyone's mind at work. Certainly not today. Not with excessively lean organizations and the heavy work loads of those who still have jobs. Not with many working longer hours just to keep their heads above water. So while we doubt that this thought even comes to mind, we urge you never to think it. Certainly don't say it.

The last expression is probably the most common and, without doubt, in our way of thinking about the workplace, the one thought that has undermined the performance of countless companies. It is the one belief that has prevented sports teams -- teams filled with outstanding talent -- from winning. The concept and the behaviors that result are insidious and make the workplace anything but the collegial, team-oriented, winning place most of us desire.

7. It's not my job. Variations on this theme: That's beneath me. I get paid to do more important things. That's below my pay grade. To be fair, we've all likely thought this from time to time. Even so, it's a bad cognition and the behaviors that emerge are even worse. The concept speaks to hierarchy, seniority, condescension and other nasty, odoriferous dynamics that prevent top performance in functions and entire organizations. It's also a difficult belief to change. Thank goodness for clever, creative consulting firms that know how to transform behavior. (I'm thinking of one rather brilliant consulting firm in particular. It's initials: SCG.)

Those are our 7. Avoid them at all cost. And, of course, if you're seeing evidence of any of them at work, give a call. We can help.

Enjoy the week.

Current Events

What a week that was! Head-spinning events around the world and around town. If things weren't so bad, we might consider this one of the greatest times to be alive. If things weren't so bad.

To wit:

• Another bad guy bites the dust, hard. Moammar Khadafy, fashionista and oppressor, is yet another Middle East despot to be killed by his own people. Nothing says, 'We love you and will miss you' like publicly displaying his half-naked, bloody, bullet-strewn body in a freezer in a shopping mall. Talk about a reason not to kill your own people! That said, a word of advice to other dictators on the run: Stay out of holes. They don't seem to be a good place to hide. I'm talking to you, Syrian President Bashar Assad and you, Yemen President Ali Abdullah Saleh. Stay away from holes. Because, you know, you're not the most popular guys around. And remember: What goes around, comes around.
  

• At long last, an end to a war. So, we're finally leaving Iraq. To our way of thinking, it's 4,478 U.S. deaths and a trillion dollars too late, not to mention the untold death and destruction in Iraq. At least we got the weapons of mass destruction we came for. Not. Yet another worthless, prolonged conflict. But at least it's over. One down, two to go. (By the way, have the spin doctors -- those creative minds behind the scenes who help shape messaging so we, the ignorant, uneducated commoners, can embrace whatever they're selling -- ever been as brilliant as the day they came up with 'weapons of mass destruction'? We think not. WMDs are now part of our lexicon -- and part of our fear. Too bad we bought it -- that there were WMDs in Iraq and that WMDs are somehow a valid reason to invade a country illegally. Thanks, George. Nice going.)

• Another war brewing, one far more serious. Are we witnessing the beginning of a class war within our country and possibly around the world? It certainly seems so. The Occupy Wall St. movement appears to be growing in intensity and purpose, as thousands of protesters are encamped in hundreds of cities worldwide. A recent Associated Press-GfK poll (October 22) revealed that the movement has 37% support among U.S. voters. More revealing is that the same poll demonstrated that 58% of those voters are 'furious about American politics'. While the protests lack a spokesperson (where are you, Michael Moore?) and a unifying remedy, it's only a matter of time before this situation escalates. Why? Because widespread, prolonged unemployment + strong corporate earnings + highly publicized, enormous bonuses paid to money fund managers + a government unable/unwilling to act = a recipe for revolution. Said more simply, beware when many people do not have money for a prolonged period of time. This has the potential to get much worse before it gets better. Stay tuned.
  

• Still no jobs program. Meanwhile, with quiet efficiency, our elected officials in Washington have rejected all attempts to put a sizable number of people back to work. Whether it be teachers, police, and/or firefighters, the Senate -- with an amazing confluence of Republican obstinacy and Democrat disorganization -- has killed yet another part of the Obama plan to create jobs. At least we're paying them for not delivering what's most needed. Wouldn't want them to have to suffer like those out of work. We wouldn't want that, now would we? No, of course not. Not having money is a bad thing and something we would never wish on anyone, much less those working on the Hill. A word of advice to Congress: Beware when many people do not have money for a prolonged period of time. How soon might you become the focus of the Occupy Wall Street movement? I'm just saying.

Speaking of fear, last week we postulated that religion might not exist -- at least in its current forms -- if we lived forever. Indeed, what need would we have for a belief and faith system that has, as its defining feature, the promise of eternal life in an idyllic place? Or the threat of an eternal life in a place of untold horror? We wouldn't. Instead, we might focus on how best to live this life honestly, honorably, and with grace. Peacefully, with others who have different customs, social mores and values. We might find a way to live without fear.

Ah, if only we lived forever. Which, by the way, we do.

Quien es Mas Macho?

Quick: What was the #1 album in the country 45 years ago this week? If you said anything but Cheap Thrills by San Francisco's own Big Brother & the Holding Company, with a certain Janis Joplin on lead vocals, you clearly aren't the music fan you proclaim to be. You also aren't much for huge clues either, but that's a topic for another day.

What, can't remember anything about 1966? Not to worry. If you did the '60s, so to speak, you won't be able to remember them.

Speaking of taking another little piece of my heart, let's ruminate -- with a strong leaning toward venting -- on a number of recent events. Warning for the weak-stomached among us: Politics, religion and sports are involved in this 4-part blog. Reader be forewarned. Reader definitely beware.

1. Quien es mas macho? While the country continues to suffer through the worst economic climate nearly anyone under the age of 65 can remember (for those of you who can remember what you had for breakfast yesterday), NOTHING is being done at the Federal level to deal with the continued high level of unemployment. Obama talks -- and is finally beginning to rant -- but to date has not produced a jobs program. In the meantime, the Republicans are fully intent on keeping millions unemployed with the sole purpose of adding one more African-American man to the unemployment rolls following the next election. Is this not beyond comprehension? Who are these people and how do they live with themselves? This blatant, self-serving neglect for the American people borders on the criminal. I hope you, too, are keeping a list of every elected official in Washington who refuses to act to get people back to work.

Meanwhile, the Republican presidential candidates are attempting to differentiate themselves. Their debate is not how to right the economy, deal with our three wars, or resolve any of the other myriad issues we face. No, their debate is twofold:

• Who is most conservative, and
• Who is most Christian.

Amazing.

In the midst of this, Herman Cain is sounding more and more like the pizza marketeer he is with his 9-9-9 plan. Michele Bachmann sees the devil in this ('Looks like 666 to me!'), while many think 999 is the price of a pizza. Whatever. Cain, like just about every Republican candidate, has clearly not mastered high school math because it's going to be a bitch to support three wars on a flat tax of 9%. Unless, of course, it's only war he'll pay for.

Stay tuned, as it's certain to get even more ludicrous. (Wait until the talk about Planned Parenthood reaches its crescendo. That will be fun, but in a bad way.)

2. Why No Other Apples? Thank you for your notes about Steve Jobs following last week's column. I agree, of course. A huge loss. Even so, many wonder why there aren't other companies like Apple. There is an abundance of talent, with many highly creative, motivated people eager to push the proverbial envelope. And there are many passionate about melding functionality and art, regardless of industry. So why aren't there more Apples?

There are two possibilities:

1. Few know how to create a workplace where the freedom to be creative can coexist with discipline and productivity.

2. Few want to create a work place where the freedom to be creative can coexist with discipline.

Sadly, our research indicates that both are true. Many executives operate within 'traditional parameters', precluding their ability to create a special environment, one in which creativity can flourish. Others all too often scoff at the idea that freedom of thought and action are conducive to a productive and highly profitable workplace. We vehemently disagree! In fact our data indicate that the opposite is true: Control and long-term profitability are inversely proportional. Said more plainly: Increase control and long-term profitability suffers. The evidence is indisputable.

Think about it another way: Why didn't Microsoft invent the iPhone? The reason: They couldn't. Not that their people aren't as smart and as creative as those at Apple. No, Microsoft's environment -- their culture -- wasn't capable of supporting breakthrough thinking. This isn't a slam on Microsoft; it's simply the state of affairs there and in the vast majority of companies worldwide.

Hey, you know of what I speak. You live it every day.

In the wake of Steve's death, much will be made of his approach to leadership. Don't wait for the books, several of which are in the offing. Call us now and we'll help you get ahead of the curve. Somebody has to lead; why not your organization?

3. Abandon Football, Cal. A plea to Sandy Barbour, Athletic Director at the University of California at Berkeley:

Dear Sandy:

As a passionate alumni of Berkeley (B.A. and Ph.D.) and ex-faculty member (Department of Psychology), I politely ask that you disband the football program. Immediately. It's simply wrong on so many levels and does not reflect Berkeley in any way.

But let me count the ways:

1. Cal has not won the Pac-8 or Pac-10 since 1959. There's something about not being able to finish ahead of 7 and then 9 teams over the course of 52 years that takes futility to a level only surpassed by the Chicago Cubs. Now in the newly-formed Pac-12 we have 11 other teams to outplay. Like that will ever happen.

2. The team's coach, Jeff Tedford, is the highest paid employee of the State of California. Title aside, Jeff is a glorified gym teacher. That he is paid more than any of Berkeley's Nobel laureates is unspeakable.

3. Speaking of the Nobel prize, one of our guys just brought in another for the school. Saul Perlmutter won one in Physics. Two other 2011 winners had direct ties to Berkeley. This is what we're good at and what we should be investing in.

4. Cal has become a whore to TV money. Case in point: Not one ticket to any 2011 home game had the game time printed on it. Why? Because you wait until the last minute to pick which network is going to broadcast the game. Sandy, Saturday afternoon is college football. Period, done. Anything else is an abuse of our (waning) relationship. And, please, no more national broadcasts. Far too many can see for themselves how miserable we are at football.

5. Cal football is not representative of the creativity, inventiveness and diversity of the Berkeley campus. The game played by Cal is indistinguishable from hundreds of other colleges. Why haven't you gotten any of the school's 22 Nobel laureates involved in helping make Cal football unique?

6. What is 'American Studies'? Apparently, it's the official major of the majority of Cal football players. While it might be rigorous (right), it screams of junior college. Worse, it strongly suggests that our players aren't the students that, say, Stanford players are. Yet another embarrassment.

7. White helmets, Sandy? What were you thinking?

In sum, it's time to call it quits. Take the money you'll save and invest it in any number of other programs in the department. The hundreds of students participating in the shadow of football will thank you. And know that many will cheer your courage when you announce that the 2011 season of Cal football will be its last. I, for one, will be happy to have my Thursday night, Saturday afternoon or Saturday evening open again.

Go Bears! Please.

Respectfully yours,

A Season Ticket Holder since 1981 (Just call me Dr. Fool or Stupidly Optimistic or both.)

4. One Last Question. If there was no death -- if we lived forever -- would there be religion? I think not. We'll discuss this and other curious topics next week.

Commit an act of random kindness. You and someone else will feel great you did.

Who Does That?

After years of using PCs, years I've since fully repressed, I ventured to the dark side and bought an iMac for the house when they were first introduced in 1999. Unlike my previous computers, the hardest part of the iMac purchase decision was in the color selection. Was it to be blueberry, grape, lime, strawberry or tangerine? (What, no biege?) Of course I wondered whether any fruit-colored computer would actually perform the myriad complex tasks I required of it. I mean, really, how could a whimsical strawberry computer named after a fruit no less measure up to my serious, black IBM ThinkPad? No way could it.

And then I got it home. Plug in the keyboard and the mouse. Plug in the power cable. Turn it on. Installation complete. No C: prompt. (Remember those?) No software to install. Just plug and play. Total time: Three minutes.

But, all things considered, none of this is what caught my attention about my first Mac. Stopping me in my tracks was the power cable. I was used to industrial power cords. Black, heavy-duty, and unremarkable. After all, its role was to provide the juice to the machine and its place would be to sit sight unseen behind the computer. But Apple thought otherwise. The iMac's power cord was translucent, with the three cables within it visible and, amazingly, enshrouded in colorful plastic. All for a power cable that no one would likely ever see.

Who does that? Who even thinks that a power cable should be attractive, much less interesting and, possibly, artistic?

Steve did.

Whether it was his idea or not is immaterial. Steve's company delivered the coolest power cable ever. And if the power cable is creative, imagine the computer it powers. That's Apple.

That first iMac and the lovely power cord were just the beginning. What was a foray into Apple became a passion. After my IBM ThinkPad and, later, my Dell laptop became bothersome (and boring), I took the leap and bought my first MacBook. An amazing machine, one that made just about everything colorful and interesting. Even the packaging it came in -- an attache-like box with a handle -- was cool.

But that's not what struck me about the computer. Again, it was the power cord. As any MacBook user knows, the cord doesn't actually plug into the computer. It's attached via a magnet, allowing me, and many others like me, to trip over it repeatedly without endangering the computer (as I have so often). A magnetic connection. One allowing a quick and non-lethal disconnection. Beyond clever.

Who does that? Who thinks that a power cable should attach to a laptop in such a way that might prevent a klutz from destroying his computer?

Steve did.

Was it his idea? It matters not. What does matter is that the product represented the highest level of innovation, the most creative, most thorough thinking of the time. If the power cable was this cleverly designed, imagine what the computer itself might be able to do. That's Apple.

Speaking of brilliance, let's talk iPhone. No early adopter me, I visited the Apple Store several times before buying my first. Aside from the wonderment of this incredible device, what caught my attention was Contacts. As anyone who owns an iPhone knows, the Contacts function operates much like an electronic Rolodex. One can move through the directory with a flick of a finger, the faster the flick, the faster the directory moves. But what was amazing to me was that the directory did not stop instantly after the flick of the finger. That would have been so Microsoft. Instead, the directory slowed and eventually came to a gentle stop. Like how it would work if it was physical rather then digital. I remember laughing like a kid with a cool new toy the first few times I played with Contacts. I still marvel.

Who does this? Who spends the time, effort and money to get an electronic contacts directory to respond to a sweep of a finger and then, amazingly, to slow and eventually come to a smooth stop? It couldn't have been easy and what value does it add, you might ask, beside delight? Who creates an environment where this level of elegance is expected?

Steve did.

Whether his idea or not, the iPhone's Contacts function is just one of many that typifies an amazing device. The brilliant fusion of creativity and functionality. That's Apple.

The examples are nearly endless. The way in which the icons on any Mac reflect off of the dock. How the Map function of the iPhone shows the back of the map when curled up. How you turn a page of a book or magazine on the iPad. (No buttons. That would have been too simple and far too inelegant. By Apple's standards, crude.)

Who does this? Who creates a company filled with passionate people, each willing to take creativity and functionality to entirely new levels? Who makes products many are willing to stand in long lines to buy? Who brings art to machines, makes them completely intuitive and beautiful and enriches our lives in the process?

Steve did.

There are too few companies like Apple. Too few companies have employees filling the official job title of Evangelist. Too few have the courage to create their own path, to do things their own way. Far too few seek to change the lives of their customers. Even fewer have as their purpose to change the world.

There are too few Apples because there are too few Steves. And now there's one less. Dude, you'll be missed.

You Call This Evolution?

I used to have more hair.

There are two things that truly bother me about this fact:

First, that I used to have more hair and now I have less. That's definitely bothersome.

A distant second, that I don't understand how hair loss figures in when one considers Darwin's Theory of Evolution.

Having less hair is disadvantageous, genetically speaking. So, you'd expect (read: I'd expect) that folliclely-challenged individuals would have evolved physical and/or cognitive traits to counter-balance this deficiency and, as a result, improve their ability to survive. Either that, or you wouldn't find an abundance of people with little or no hair on their heads.

On a related point, it seems only fair, don't you think? If you can't grow hair, you should be able to do something better in exchange. I mean, really.

Okay, the assumption here is that having less hair is, indeed, an evolutionary disadvantage. Argue as you might, I say that it is. Which is only appropriate, because I'm the expert of me.

This is how I figure it: Having little or no hair on one's head significantly decreases one's chances to procreate. If given the choice, all things being completely equal, there is absolutely no doubt that women would choose the thick-haired version of the dude over the 'egg-shell blonde' version of that same guy. I know I would. And that's what counts.

Unless that guy is Sean Connery. Hair or no hair, Sean's got it going.

Given this logic, I'm lucky that my sons were conceived while hair was still a significant part of my scalp. Otherwise, they'd be toast.

One might say -- certainly not me -- that having less hair won't impair your ability to live longer. I say, in retort, life might just seem longer. You try looking hip and cool with less hair. It's a bitch.

Back to evolution. According to my reading of Darwin, I should have developed some skills or abilities to counteract the effect of my diminished hair-growing prowess. Makes perfect sense to me. So I ask: Where are these powers?

My memory hasn't improved. I can't run faster or longer. I can't shoot a crossbow any better than I used to (having never actually touched one is beside the point). I'm not funnier (assuming I even qualify as 'funny') or taller or stronger or a better dancer. I can't play trombone or the piano more melodically. I can't throw or hit a baseball farther. I have developed the ability to gain weight much more readily, possibly because I can eat heartily and drink to near-excess while rationalizing brilliantly the avoidance of exercise. But I don't put that in the 'increased survival abilities' column. I put that in the 'You Are Such An Idiot' category.

And, no, wearing a hat full-time is not a viable option, nor is the comb over. Ever.

So while my hair-growing abilities have dwindled, sadly I have nothing new to show for it. Nothing that would make having less hair even somewhat palatable.

This is terribly disappointing. And, frankly, totally unfair.

Just ask anyone attempting to deal with the same thing.

Anyone, that is, except Sean.

(Note to Tea Partiers and others who can't quite grasp the notion that both evolution and God can coexist: In your next life, try avoiding extended periods of oxygen deprivation. Just a thought.)