The SCQ

If you ever want to see a brilliant example of Corporate Speak, take a look at nearly any job description.

[A quick time out for a glossary of terms:

'Corporate Speak' refers to a style of communicating which purports to tell nothing but the truth about things at work but often fails miserably to impart anything of importance, including the truth.

'Job description' a document that contains ostensibly all essential information about a specific job, including: Duties, responsibilities, requirements (e.g., education, experience, skills, etc.) and, possibly, pay.

Now back to our program, already in progress.]

When reviewing a job description, what you'll find, at best, is an approximation of the true job. Sure, you'll learn from the description if 'a strong customer service orientation', project planning, basic Microsoft Office skills, a fluency in a second language, 15 years of hands-on management experience, or, say, a working knowledge of neurosurgery are required. (By the way, what is 'a strong customer service orientation' and how might one demonstrate or assess it?) You'll also know what licenses, certificates, and/or level of education are needed or desired. The job description may tell you where the job is located, what type of technical skills 'the successful candidate' (love that expression!) will need, and just possibly, what the job pays -- beyond the notorious and completely amorphous 'Pay commensurate with skills and experience' promise.

When all is said and done, you might have a sense of what the job actually is and how qualified for it you might be. This from a document that is intended to provide a true description of the job. I wonder how the authors of those job descriptions would describe a 'red barn'. (A topic of a future blog, to be sure.) Never accuse HR of not having a sense of humor. They should be writing for Saturday Night Live.

But what the job description will never tell you -- and why would it? -- is the one thing every job applicant should and must know. That one piece of information so vital, indeed, so critical to every job seeker, even the most desperate. Possibly the most valuable job-related data point of them all. Even more important than, yes, work hours, attire or pay.

That critical piece of information? The speed and extent to which the job will crush your soul.

At TJOW, we call that The Soul Crush. It has an official name because every job in every workplace has the potential to crush a part or all of your soul. The only questions are these: How much of your soul will be crushed and how fast will it happen?

[Another quick time out. As cynical as that last paragraph might be, it is, unfortunately, accurate. Every job in every workplace has, without doubt, the potential to crush your soul. It's the potential that varies, along with the percentage of your soul that might be crushed. Tell us we're wrong.]

Lest you think we've gone all metaphysical on you or are delving unduly into religion, we consider 'soul' to be that part of you that keeps you alive, provides drive and hope, balances you, adds depth and complexity, and helps fuel a belief that you're a strong, capable, worthy person. In short, your sense of identity. Who you are.

The problem is, most jobs in most organizations have the capacity to damage the soul, to undermine your sense of self. How, you ask? Let us count (some of) the ways:

• Micro-managing, second-guessing managers, who cause you to question the very expertise the company is paying you for
  
• Workplace rules and regulations that suggest that you are less than an adult and, worse, one not to be trusted
• Being, for whatever reason, excluded from discussions related to your job duties and responsibilities
  
• Strictly defined job boundaries designed to confine you and, in the process, define you within a category or label
  
• Performance appraisal processes that artificially define most workers as 'average' -- regardless of level of performance or contribution
• Promises made regarding, say, bonus or promotion, that are not fulfilled
  
• Hierarchies preventing lower-level workers from involvement in processes to improve performance or, worse, fully precluding them from offering ideas at all
• An excessive amount of Corporate Speak
  

And those are just some of the many dynamics in the workplace that can and do damage the soul. Each in its own diabolical way has the potential to cause you to question your skills and abilities and, in turn, your sense of self-worth. It is that questioning that often damages the soul.

As a public service, then, and to provide truly valuable information to job applicants everywhere, we propose that all job descriptions contain a Soul Crush Quotient (SCQ). Using the Nigel 'Turn it up to 11' Tufnel scale, an SCQ of 0 indicates the job will likely have no negative impact on your soul. This is good. In contrast, an SCQ of 11 screams of severe danger and that the job may place your entire soul in serious jeopardy. This is bad. (There is the possibility of a negative SCQ, though it is exceedingly rare. Such a score would suggest that the job actually nourishes the soul. Negative SCQs are typically found in volunteer work -- especially those involving children or animals -- and most often in jobs without supervision, internal politics, excessive rules or performance reviews.)

What influence does money have on the SCQ, you ask? Little. Research indicates that money has an inverse relationship with time when it comes to The Soul Crush. The higher the salary the lower the speed of any soul crushing. Although slower, any negative impact on the soul provided by the job is inevitable and as powerful. The pain is as strong. It just takes longer to get there.

So, as informative and useful as the SCQ might be, don't expect it to come to a job description near you anytime soon. It's simply too revealing.