Enough With the Lists Already

Reader beware: It's rant week.

Those damn lists.  Have you had it about up to here with all of the seemingly millions of business- and lifestyle-related lists that seem to be everywhere?  One can't seem to get through Fortune, Forbes, Yahoo! or Entertainment Weekly these days without a barrage of dos and don'ts lists.  Ten things never to do in an interview.  Ten things always to do in an interview.  Five expressions never to use with your boss.  Seven behaviors of successful managers.  Five articles of clothing never to wear at work (beyond stripes with plaids).  Ten ways to make her happy.  Seven things that will make him totally furious.  Ten ideas never to think while riding a bike, especially a red one.  Five ways to ensure a happy marriage.  Nine things to never, ever forget.  Seven foods that cause insanity.

And that's just lists we've stumbled across in the last couple of weeks. 

Granted, some of the myriad lists have useful suggestions.  Yes, we know not to make racist, sexist and/or vulgar jokes during an interview.  Or ever.  They're not funny.  Yes, eating fatty foods will make us fat.  Yes, being honest is a good quality for the successful manager.  It's a good quality for everyone, for that matter.  Yes, a bathing suit at work is not likely a very good idea, even if you're ripped.  And, yes, banana creme pie does, without any doubt whatsoever, cause insanity.  (Look it up if you're skeptical.)  But, really, most of the guidance provided in these lists is vacuous at best.

And even if the lists contain a modicum of accuracy, how in the world are we supposed to remember all of the information in them?  We're talking hundreds if not thousands of dos and don'ts.  Impossible.  Overwhelming.  And no way to stay current.  Too much thinking; not enough doing.  It was so much easier when all we had to remember was to be a good bee.  (Romper Room?  Remember?)

I say enough with the lists already.   Save for this one.

Living life according to my Uncle Bill.  In a personal, seminal, whiskey-induced moment a number of years ago, my then-aging (and now long deceased) Uncle Bill laid out his approach to life.  Beginning with the insight that 'it took me getting old to finally figure it out', my uncle claimed that a wonderful life could be had by doing just a handful of things.  I present them here as a way to honor him and, just possibly, to undermine my argument above about lists.  This one might be worth remembering.

Imagine a gravel-voiced, 90-something New Yorker, pipe in mouth, glass of whiskey in hand, outlining the following:

1.  Be afraid of no one.  Not the authorities, not the police, no one at work.  Especially no one at work.  (This from a Jew who grew up among Nazis.)

2.  Make sure those you love know you love them.  Assume nothing.  Tell them.  You can't say it often enough.  You can't prove it enough.

3.  Always tell the truth.  Your honor is all you have.  Don't jeopardize it.  (His actual words were more graphic...) And the more you lie, the more stories you have to remember.  So why bother?

4.  If you like stuffed cabbage, eat stuffed cabbage.  Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life.  Aside from your wife.  It's her job.

5.  Grow old, but don't grow up.  Maturity makes people boring.  Don't be boring. 

I miss you, Bill.  I haven't forgotten.  And like I promised you, I'm trying.