What Is Hip?

Want to be, depending on your age, hip, cool or rad? Consider the following facts about hipness. Take them seriously. We do and we're judging.

1. It is definitely NOT hip to wear one's bluetooth device on your ear all of the time. You look stupid, in a silly cyborg kind of way. In the history of humanity, there is only one person who looked cool wearing an ear piece.

You are not him.

Instead, think of Groucho Marx's great line on live TV about his cigar and take your bluetooth gizmo off your head every once in a while. Either that or have it welded to your head.

By the way, might that be the next fad in body enhancing surgery? Blue tooth implantation? Which will lead many of us to wonder whether that blue tooth device on your head is real or surgically-enhanced.

"You think that's real?"

"How could it be? At his age?"

"You're right. It's too perfect. Think he's had other work done?"

"Don't know. But maybe he should."

You wouldn't want us talking about you that way, now would you?

You also wouldn't want to end up looking like this poor guy. (Actually, that's what everyone who wears a bluetooth device looks like to me. And I don't think I'm alone on this one.)

2. It is definitely hip to hold the door for anyone, regardless of your gender or the gender of the person for whom you're holding the door. As a matter of fact, it's also hip to look behind you before letting go of the door. Anyone who forces you to catch a door as it's coming at you is definitely NOT hip.

3. A corollary to #2: It is definitely hip to thank someone for holding the door. Even if that person is dressed as a doorman. As a matter of fact, it's hip to say 'Thank you' any chance you get. And, by the way, 'No problem' is not the same as 'You're welcome.' Do as they do in Costa Rica, where 'Gracias' is followed by 'Mucho gusto.' With much pleasure.

Sorry to sound like Miss Manners, but it appears that many among us have forgotten some basic courtesies. And that's definitely NOT hip.

4. Speaking of NOT hip, it is absolutely not hip to talk on your phone in a public bathroom. I mean, really! Give us all a break, will you please?!? We know who you are.

5. Telling your employees the truth about the state of the company is hip. It's also right.

6. Beyond NOT hip: People who drop their cigarette butts wherever they please. Ashtrays. Every heard of them? Give 'em a try.

7. While driving, give a wave if someone let's you merge, if you're given the right-of-way, or if you cut someone off. Not waving is just wrong, definitely NOT hip, and may keep you out of Heaven, regardless of whether you even believe in Heaven.

8. Managers who are oblivious to the fears of their employees -- especially in times like these -- are NOT hip. They are insensitive.

9. Definitely NOT hip: Spandex on the wrong bodies. Enough said.

10. In any employee handbook, a 'rules' section longer than, say, one page is NOT hip. Aside from 'Do the right thing.', what other rules should the handbook contain? 'Do the right thing.' says it all.

11. Going outside to play is hip. Organizing your own game and playing without uniforms, a manicured field, refs or umps, and without adult supervision is VERY hip. Pass the word.

12. Reading a book -- any book -- is extremely hip. Even if you're also listening to music.

13. Music is hip, regardless of its type. No music or musical group is more hip than any other, except these guys who asked the question about hipness in the first place. And, of course, those who love Tower of Power are, without doubt, totally hip. (It's my blog. I get to make the rules.)

14. While we're on the topic of music, singing while walking down the street is beyond hip. And if your singing gets someone else to begin singing, too? You, my friend, qualify for the best type of hip: Hipster Extraordinaire. Because there simply cannot be too much music. And we need to make it together.