Another Good Bye and Pardon My French

We've been saying good bye way too often lately. This week we lost yet another champion. Good bye, Ted. We will miss you.

Of the many wonderful stories told about Ted Kennedy over the last few days, one that was only alluded to was his love of language and especially his love of the use of what others might consider 'vulgarities'. So, as public service and as a tribute to Teddy, I offer the following.

Is it just me, or have you noticed that a lot of people all of sudden can speak French? Or so they say. Funny how their idea of French sounds indistinguishable from the words I spit out whenever I try unsuccessfully to use a tool to fix something around the house. While not a linguist by training, I wonder about two things:

1. When did the French language become the euphemism for vulgarity?

2. Why can't people swear? Openly, with gusto?

Let's leave the French out of this for now (I like their toast and fries) and focus instead on the dearth of the good and productive use of profanity. While we're not advocating the overuse of profanity, a well-placed, nicely-punctuated, passionate 'vulgarity' can capture the attention of the people around you and help make a point that much more emphatically. That's why we have these words in the first place. And if there's anything we do advocate here, it's expressing oneself fully. Done well, you won't offend. So, got something to say? Say it with pride, even if it involves the judicious use of profanity. You'll feel better.

And have you noticed that you usually do feel better after using even one profanity? There's a biological reason for it. Really. A study out of Britain's Keele University, reported last month in the journal NeuroReport, claims that swearing is actually good for you. (Having spent much of my 20's at Berkeley, we at Cal -- especially those of us who have followed their football team -- have known this for years. We just didn't know why, nor did we care.)

It appears that the use of profanity helps to vent frustration, which is a good thing, psychologically speaking. Ah, but you knew that. But did you know that swearing also reduces physical pain?

Here's how the Keele University researchers went at it: Subjects were brought individually into a room and were asked to put a hand in a large glass of heavily-iced water. They were told to keep their hand in the water as long as possible. In one condition, subjects were told that they could use any profanity they wanted as they suffered the pain of the freezing water. In another condition, subjects were told they could say anything they wanted, but, please, no swearing.

The results? Those were could swear kept their hand in the ice water longer and reported less pain than those who couldn't use profanity. This was true for men and for women. But, check this out: The outcome was far more pronounced among women. Females who could swear freely kept their hand in the ice water significantly longer and with significantly less reported pain than women who were not allowed to swear. According to the researchers, this is possibly due to their observation that women tend to use profanity less frequently than man. (They obviously haven't met the women who spend a significant amount of time around me.) Indeed, it seems that a more judicious use of profanity has its benefits, making the use of swearing that much more powerful.

So, overlook what your mother taught you and whip out that good, expressive profanity from time to time. We can take it. And more importantly, you'll feel better. Especially when someone cuts you off while driving -- and doesn't wave. Or when someone doesn't hold a door for you. Or doesn't say 'Thank you'. Or says 'No problem' when you thank them. Or when some idiot insists on wearing a blue tooth device while talking to you. Or when your manager claims there is pay for performance or that fool down the hall is considered a 'good performer' when everyone knows the truth. Or when people who watch Fox News think they have the facts and tell you by screaming it at the top of their lungs to prevent an honest debate. Or when the same merde they've been telling you for years...hey! Wait! I can speak French!

Just don't call it French.