Earning Thanks

Finish the turkey, stuffing and desserts? (My guess: There are still leftovers from the meal, but the pies and cakes are long gone. Go ahead, admit it. It's okay. We know.) Ready to put Thanksgiving behind you, determined to lose somehow the weight you gained over the weekend? Eager to begin the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Al-Hijira/Ashura holiday season?

Not so fast. There's still an important Thanksgiving question to consider.

Last week, true to the spirit of Thanksgiving, we considered those to whom we owe thanks. This week we ask a far more personal question:

What have you done this past year to have earned the true, heartfelt thanks of others?

A sobering question, no? The 50 people I asked that very question to over the last couple of weeks certainly thought so. Indeed, most were taken aback by the question, needing a few moments just to get their mind around the concept that they might have done something worthy of heartfelt thanks. Typically after a long pause, the responses I received were astonishing:

• The vast majority (88%) thought that they were a good partner to another, but that being thanked for this wasn't appropriate or required
  

• A large majority (85%) thought that they were a good parent -- and wished to be thanked -- but never thought they'd live long enough to hear true heartfelt thanks from their offspring
  

• Most (80%) consider themselves to be good employees, but few thought that they'd ever be thanked for the work they do or the sacrifices they make at work (with 65% absolutely confident that few at work even knew of their sacrifices)
  

• Most (78%) reported that they spend insufficient time volunteering in non-profit/community organizations or agencies, and, therefore, are not owed thanks; and, very sadly
  

• Nearly all (90%) said that they had not received a heartfelt 'thank you' from anyone in months, some in years.
  

What made these responses that much more surprising was the fact that these people were, indeed, highly worthy of gratitude. Wonderful partners, fabulous parents, terrific workers. Most were involved in their community, many giving freely to charities. And yet very few received heartfelt thanks (or thanks they believed to be heartfelt) or even considered their actions to be worthy of gratitude.

What's up with that? Are we becoming -- or have we become -- a society where giving thanks is a lost art? Where providing a warm, sincere, deeply felt 'thank you' is an endangered specie? Where we take each others' dedication, commitment and giving for granted? Based on the responses of the 50 people I surveyed, you certainly might think so.

Let's change this. Let's revive the beauty of giving thanks to those who deserve it. Let's also become worthy of the thanks of others.

Beginning now, I urge you to join me in this thanks giving and thanks earning crusade by:

1. Going out of our way to thank those who are closest to us for all they do to make our lives rich. Parents, partners, children, family. Co-workers, direct reports, leadership, others at work. People with whom you share religious beliefs. People who share your passions. People who serve you. People who support you.

2. Doing things worthy of heartfelt thanks. Not so much for the thanks. Instead, for the knowledge that you're making other lives rich.

And, for once, I'll start. Jorge, Sole y la familia magnifica (pictured above), muchas, muchas gracias para hiciendo mi vida tan rica. Espero saben que tienen un lugar muy especial en mi corazon.

That felt good. Try it for yourself. Especially during this holiday season. It's a wonderful gift to give. And it's more powerful and less expensive than an iPod.