The Wonderful Irrationality of Sport

According to television ratings, most people throughout the country are not aware of or simply don't care that the 106th World Series is in progress.

I assure you that that is not the case in San Francisco.

Halloween has definitely come early to the City By The Bay. As anyone in the Bay Area knows, it is virtually impossible to walk on any street in San Francisco without coming across dozens of orange and black-clad Giants fans.

People with eye black, some with fake, shoe-polish-black beards, others wearing panda hats, a few sporting rally thongs. Adults with orange dyed hair, many wearing t-shirts extolling the virtues of uttering a certain profanity on live television, equating Giants baseball with torture, the pitching powers provided by a currently illegal weed, or the need to fear, get this, the beard. (Hey, it's complicated.)

And on a game-day, people really get into it!

No, these aren't the insane (though one never really knows). And, no, these aren't just fans. These are people who love their whacky ball club. People who feel a connection to, an affinity with a group of baseball players they've likely never met and likely never will. On all other occasions, these are clear-thinking, rational people who have gone over the edge, gone completely ga-ga, for a sports team that has captured their heart.

It's better than that, actually. Somehow, someway, these people are part of this team. Not an extension of it. An actual part of it.

You hear it all around town: 'We can hit this pitcher.' 'When we play solid baseball, we win.' 'We've got these guys.' 'We can win this thing.'

With a strong emphasis on we.

Which, of course, is the essence -- and the irrationality -- of being a true fan. Caring deeply about your team and, inexplicably, feeling as if you are part of it.

Irrational, to be sure. Somehow like renaming a street in nearby Palo Alto after one of the players, decorating our train stations in orange and black, or bathing San Francisco's City Hall -- and a half dozen other buildings around town -- in orange lights.

Irrational, sure. And wonderful.

For there is simply nothing as exciting, as inclusive, as unifying as a sports team going deep into the playoffs. Scoff if you must, but what other event has a similar effect on a population? Where so many have so much in common and are so willing to share it. Where perfect strangers can and do strike up a conversation or simply high-five each other. Where civility -- holding doors being just one of many examples -- especially to fellow fans is widespread. Where people are happy. And where a passion brings together an entire community, fan and non-fan alike.

Scoff if you must, but this is the magic of sport. And if you're lucky enough to live in the Bay Area you know exactly of what I speak.

Coincidentally, the Giants marketing department used 'It's magic inside' (the ballpark) to promote this year's team. Clearly, the slogan is only partially correct. This year, it's simply magic.

We even have a song. And, at very long last, a World Championship.

Giants!

Things That Warm Our Hearts

A number of TJOW fans are currently in the throes of difficult treatment for life-threatening illnesses. While their courage and stamina are inspirational, their appreciation -- in some cases, new-found appreciation -- for life's small pleasures has been nothing short of eye-opening. And, personally, a gift -- as they have forced me to pause, smell those roses, and consider the things that I find special, things that warm the heart.

Nothing like facing one's mortality to find joy and amazement everywhere possible.

And those things that warm the heart? Here are just a few:

• A father and son holding hands, just because
  

• Women walking together, arms interlocked (so cosmopolitan, so endearing)

• Children sitting or walking together with arms around their shoulders
  

• People whistling, humming or singing to themselves in public

• People who are genuinely excited about and have deep passion for the work they do

• Leaders so well known throughout their company that they'd never be able to be on CEO Undercover or whatever that insipid television show is called

• Front-line employees who believe completely that they are essential to the success of their organization (Remind me to recount the story of the equipment assistant for the Super Bowl-winning San Francisco 49ers -- a guy who was taught by the team's coach, Bill Walsh, that he had a pivotal role in the team's championships. Gotta love it! We miss you, Bill.)

• No-star teams that out-maneuver and beat the Goliaths (Current case in point from the world of sports: The World Series-bound San Francisco Giants!)

• People who have the strength to ask for help when they need it

• People who provide help graciously
  

• The joy and renewed self-confidence that comes with becoming fully employed again following a long period of unemployment
  

• Teams -- real teams -- that come together without ego to perform miracles (!Hola Chile!)

• A good hug (not one of those fake and completely disingenuous air hugs)

• Anyone working to overcome a personal weakness

• Friends teaching me to appreciate the joys of life.

And did I mention the Giants?

What are the things that warm your heart, whether it be at work or elsewhere? We'd love to know.

Have a wonderful week.

High Highs, Low(er) Lows

In this era filled with emotional highs and lows -- life these days seems to have taken on the look and feel of a wild roller coaster, no? -- a question comes to mind: How do your emotional highs compare to your emotional lows?

Before you answer, consider it this way: If your normal emotional state is, say, 50 on a 100-point scale, what number would you ascribe to an emotional high? What number best defines an emotional low?

That question was posed to 25 randomly-selected adults (read: People who just happened to cross paths with me this week and were unable, despite their best efforts, to evade my questions.). The results were surprising (at least to me):

• The average 'high' = 78 (28 points above the midpoint)

• The average 'low' = 10 (40 points below the midpoint)

According to this very limited sample, our highs, in general, don't seem to be as powerful as our lows.

These same 25 adults were then asked to consider their experiences at work.

• The average 'high' at work = 66 (a mere 16 points above the mid-point)

• The average 'low' at work = 14 (36 points below the midpoint)

At work, it would seem, our highs are not nearly as powerful as our lows.

If these data have any validity, what might this say about us? That we're less able to experience happiness than we are sadness? That elation is not as powerful as disappointment? That we've been conditioned -- taught -- to focus less on our successes than on our failures and, in the process, to feel less joy? Or, possibly, is it that there's simply less to be happy about?

Before moving on, let's make an important assumption: That we're born with the ability to experience joy (the 'high') and sadness (the 'low') with equal intensity. Just watch any young child move instantly from unbridled laughter to intense tears and back again. This suggests that the assumption has merit.

So, if we begin life with the ability to experience highs and lows equally, what happens to us as we develop? I'd suggest the following:

• Many of us are taught from an early age that while success is important the avoidance of failure is even more important.
  

• We are taught as children that it is polite and appropriate to temper our demonstration of happiness, especially in front of others.

• In this country, where personal achievement is so highly valued and goals tend to be lofty, a disproportionate percentage of the population experiences more disappointment due to under-performance than happiness due to success.

• While success at work may be recognized, failure and the potential for failure are ever present and are incredibly powerful -- as evidenced by the 'what-have-you-done-for-me-today?' and the 'you-are-only-as-good-as-your-last-performance' syndromes. Said a different way, the casual 'Nice job.' is not nearly the equivalent of 'You failed.'.

• Sadly, we may have fewer opportunities to experience elation than we do sadness or disappointment. (This may be especially true in the workplace.) As a result, our ability to feel elation fully when the moment presents itself may diminish over time.

• And maybe, as my nephew put it, we're better at being sad than we are at being happy.
  

Regardless, it's a sorry state of affairs if our highs aren't as powerful as our lows. It's also a sorry state of affairs if we have fewer highs than lows. But, just possibly, sadness is a stronger emotion than happiness. More on this in the weeks ahead.

But talking about high highs, though, how about the saving of the 33 trapped miners in Chile? An amazing story and lasting memories for anyone who watched the flawless rescue effort. To this, I say:

Chi-Chi-Chi Le-Le-Le!

Y para mis amigos en Chile:

!Lo que es un logro maravilloso! Con todo el mundo viendo, el pais realizo un milagro. Guardo 33 hombres, sus familias y las unnumerables personas que algun dia viviran porque estos hombres han regresado. Es verdaderamente un milagro y tenemos que dar las gracias. Que le han dado la esperanza del mundo.

(!Perdonar la falta de acentos! No estan disponibles en esta pila.)

Have a good week. Look for happiness. It's everywhere.

Got Soul?

I was asked recently by a very dear friend, a brother from another mother, to define 'soul'. Not soul food, soul mate, soul kiss, soul brother or sister, nor soul music. Not even the soul itself. Too bad, too, because I would have had a fighting chance with those. No, his interest was with having soul.

Do we all have soul?, he asked. Is soul something we grow, develop, enhance? Is it gender- and/or racial-specific? Does soul vary by religion? Must a serious hardship -- illness, death, poverty -- be experienced to have soul? What does having soul look like? How would I know if I have soul? Would others know if I have soul? Would having soul show?

One inquisitive dude, to be sure. Remind me next time to confine the conversation to a less weighty topic like, say, the meaning of life or the creation of the universe.

So, let's talk soul, specifically having soul. And let's start easy (since that's all I may be capable of) and avoid how religions approach the topic. You're on your own there.

Soul is a person's moral and emotional core, the essence of who we are. It defines how we communicate, emote, love. It's what we might refer to as heart, but deeper, more central to our identity. Soul is, in other words, who we are.

If confirmation is needed (hard to believe, given that you're reading the printed word on the Internet, where only truth exists), 'psychology' literally means 'study of the soul'. So as a psychologist, all in all, I'm perfectly equipped to answer my friend's questions.

Right. But I'll try, nevertheless.

Having soul, I humbly offer, is the state of being in which the convictions of the heart drive behavior. Having soul, therefore, is an observable trait. It can be seen. It is real. It defines an individual. It is values-based. It is emotional. It may be one of the coolest things -- if not the coolest thing -- we can possess.

Indeed, people who have soul:

• Are grounded and defined by strong morals
  
• Speak openly and honestly about their beliefs and values
  
• Are concerned for the well-being of others
• Provide support and assistance to those in need
• Freely display a wide range of emotions, regardless of social norms or whether 'it's the right time, right place'
  
• Laugh loudly, cry passionately
• Eat and love with abandon
• Enjoy and need physical contact with others
• Feel, really feel the joys and sorrows of this bizarre thing called 'life, and, importantly,
• Are absolutely and relentlessly true to their convictions.
  

Those who have soul may not be the happiest among us. But, for sure, they feel the most, because those who have soul have found a way to clear the barriers that typically exist between one's heart and the choices one makes about behavior. Those who have soul behave more consistently with what they believe to be right, with what they feel to be right. For them, heart and mind are one. Thus, for those who have soul, the expression 'heart and soul' is largely redundant.

We can talk about how having soul likely indicates self-actualization, but we'll leave the psycho-babble to a minimum here. Suffice it to say, that those who have soul are more real, more aware and more honest about who they are than those who don't. Those who have soul are more alive.

So, got soul?

An update from Chile. On Saturday morning, a drill, operated by workers around the clock for weeks, reached the 33 miners trapped nearly a half mile below the surface in northern Chile. It was a moment of euphoric celebration on both ends of the escape shaft. Completion of the tunnel excited the entire country, as many Chileans view the rescue as a test of national character and pride.

"What began as a potential tragedy is becoming a verified blessing," President Sebastian Pinera said in Santiago. "When we Chileans set aside our legitimate differences and unify in a grand and noble cause, we are capable of great things."

Amazingly, reports from the site indicate that the miners, who have been trapped since August 5, are fighting to see who would be rescued last. Talk about having each other's backs.

If all goes according to plan, the first miner will see sunlight on Wednesday after a 11- to 12-minute ride in a 21 inch-wide capsule nicknamed Phoenix. Oh, to be there when that first miner emerges! Stay tuned. This story may have a very happy ending.

It was 70 years ago. Happy belated birthday, John. We miss you. Not Yoko, just you.

Years ago, the advertising agencies of Canada participated in a novel competition. Agencies drew a number at random and were tasked with creating a campaign to market that number. TBWA Chiat/Day selected the number 4. Their mock ad, printed in The Toronto Star, Canada's largest newspaper, showed the faces of each of the four Beatles and Yoko Ono against a black background. Their slogan: All you need is 4 -- because five fucks things up. They took second place.

Does It Get Any Better Than This?

A couple of terrific sightings:

In Berkeley below the rear license plate of a car: A clear and vivid statement about the quality of one's job. (Apologies to those who may be offended by the rough language.)

We at TJOW wonder at least four things:

1. What compelled this person to put this harsh statement on the back of his or her car? What makes the job so bad that the car's owner needed to share this observation with the world? We can only guess.

2. How many people feel similarly about their job? Our bet: Many. Especially during these very difficult times and the 'stuff' some companies are inflicting on their employees.

3. Does this person park the car in the employee lot at work? Probably not a good idea -- unless, of course, the car's owner wants his or her views known about the sucky job. Certainly a possibility.

4. Can it be said any better? When it comes to capturing a sentiment, this one takes the cake. Props to the author for such eloquence and candor.

Seen later that same day on a gorgeous early October day in San Francisco: The Giants clinching the National League West Division.

A very sweet ending to the 2010 regular season.

Immediately after this photo was taken, the Giants team trotted around the entire perimeter of the field high-fiving fans. It was a rare sight in professional sports: Athletes recognizing, connecting with and thanking the fans. A generous and heart-felt act, to be sure. Made at least one observer forget the many bone-head plays and poor at-bats displayed by his favorite baseball club. It also reminded the same observer about the power of 'Thank you'.

By the way, we at TJOW know that sports is trivial, has no real impact on the world, and is, essentially, only entertainment. There are still wars, hundreds of thousands are still displaced in Haiti, India continues to recover from its deadly floods, miners are still trapped in Chile and millions of Americans remain out of work. Yes, we know all of that. We also know that a winning team can make the world a bit brighter, one's mood a bit lighter, one's heart a bit warmer, the challenges of the day a bit less intimidating. Irrational, to be sure. But ask any fan after a good win and you'll get the same thing: Life is good.

And life is good. Even so, some of us will need a few days to recuperate very hoarse voices and regain the strength lost to the torture that is San Francisco Giants baseball. (Giants fans know exactly of what I speak.) Good thing the playoffs for the Giants do not begin until Thursday evening. I, for one, could use the break.

Bring on the Braves!

Next week's topic: Soul. Don't miss it.