Promises, Promises

With a handful of days left in the year, it's time for TJOW to go out -- way out, as you'll see -- on the proverbial limb and make a number of predictions for 2011. Some of the predictions are rock-solid, others a bit whimsical, still others well toward the wishful-thinking end of the continuum. Regardless, all are worthy and will undoubtedly occur sometime in the New Year. Laugh (or grimace) now, but remember where you heard them first. That's right. Here at The Job of Work.

Let's start easy.

1. The new year will begin exactly eight days from Christmas. Ever wondered why New Year's Day occurs when it does? Asked another way, why isn't Christmas day the beginning of the new year? Given that we follow the Christian, solar-based calendar, one might think that the birth of Jesus would mark the beginning of the year. But, it obviously doesn't. Why? (Hint: It has everything to do with the fact that Jesus was born a Jew. Another hint: Jesus was a Jewish boy.) Regardless, our first prediction is that the new year will begin as it always does, eight days from Christmas.

Unless the Earth explodes in the next few days, that's one for TJOW.

2. Chivalry will abound in 2011. No, we're not predicting that the medieval knightly system of ethics and social behavior will return. Nor are we predicting that courteous behavior of men toward women alone will mark the year. Instead, TJOW's second prediction for the new year is that honor, courtesy and a readiness to help the weak -- the core of chivalry -- will make a huge comeback among men and women in 2011.

Look for it! Doors being held, seats offered to those in need on public transportation, drivers giving a wave of thanks when allowed to merge, people saying 'please', service providers treated graciously, e-mail answered, calls returned, people seeking ways to help others, heartfelt appreciation expressed when any attempt is made to support another person. People being nice to each other.

By the way, the strong return of chivalry will be caused by a zarkon gas-emitting meteor from the Gamma Quadrant passing perilously close to Earth early in the new year. It will go unreported to the public. We could, of course, include both the meteor and the government withholding its existence in our set of predictions. But, since you won't be told about the meteor, we'll end up arguing about the prediction's accuracy. For this reason, we won't include the mysterious meteor in our list of predictions and instead focus on the outcome of the meteor. That's just the kind of people we are here at TJOW. (Not to worry: zarkon gas is colorless and odorless and offers no Invasion of the Body Snatchers-type health issues, aside from making us nicer.)

3. Face-to-face or, at the very least, voice-to-voice communication will make a comeback. Shocking but true, personal communication will return to prominence in 2011. Facebook will decline in popularity -- does anyone really care what someone ate for breakfast? -- and Twitter's 15 minutes of fame will end, largely because many will admit that having to express one's self in 140 characters is incredibly limiting and just stupid. Instead, people will use their phones to "talk" to their friends and family.

4. Greed will reign supreme in professional sports. Enjoy the current NFL, NBA and NHL seasons. These will be the last in 2011 as lock-outs and/or player strikes will hit all three leagues. Fans will grieve the loss, but will be buoyed when bookies begin to take bets on reality television shows and Glee. Nike will market an entire clothing line to enable more athletic sitting. Book sellers will experience record profits as sports fans turn to reading. (Just kidding.) Hope you enjoy baseball and women's basketball. Oh, and soccer.

5. Reality programming on television will expand. Look for more true 'reality' programs to hit the airwaves in 2011. Not elaborate game shows (a la Survivor), but programs that capture the lives of others. Look for Fox's LA Dog$, a candid, in-depth look at the canine pets of Hollywood celebrities. NBC will counter with Kool Kats, which will bomb. E! will introduce Babysitters to the Stars, while VH1 will air Paris Who? which will follow the lives of people who have never heard of nor care at all about Paris Hilton. (What, you think we're making this stuff up?)

6. Green will definitely be the new black. 2011 will be the year we turn the corner on fossil fuels. Alternative energy sources will reign supreme in the new year, as breakthroughs in solar, wind and wave power will capture our imagination and cause us to believe that we can, indeed, live on this planet without killing it. It will become hip to conserve. Urban farming will flourish. Apps will be created to calculate and help reduce one's carbon footprint. Taking public transportation will be considered cool. And in a story that won't be widely reported, a discovery in the physics department at the University of California, Berkeley will lead eventually to the creation of warp drive. (Really.)

7. Global warming will accelerate. Even while we race to develop new energy sources, it will be abundantly clear -- even to Glenn Beck -- that the Earth is angry and won't take it anymore. Watch for freaky, violent weather worldwide. A hurricane in California, an earthquake in Florida, flooding in Phoenix, weeks of sunshine in Seattle, excessive heat across northern Europe. Make your vacation plans accordingly.

8. Health will equal wealth. Our interest in wellness will increase dramatically in 2011. Sales of organic, gluten-free foods will skyrocket. Fried foods will decline in popularity (but will still taste oh so good). Macaroni and cheese will no longer be consider a vegetable. Exercise will become even more popular, with many taking to walking and bicycling. Some will even realize that spandex bike clothes are unnecessary and, for many, inadvisable. The currently popular overweight, poached look will begin to ebb, because obesity is so last century.

9. Unemployment will subside. 2011 will be the year of job creation. As confidence returns to the business world, companies will begin to hire in earnest. Look for solid growth in the tech, manufacturing, health care and financial services sectors. As a result, consumer spending will increase and despite some bumps in the road, the light at the end of this economic tunnel we've been in will be in full view.

10. Life will be worth living. 2011 will be a very good year. We'll talk to each other more. We'll treat each other with more kindness, compassion, dignity and respect. We'll become more fit. We'll seek better ways to preserve the planet. The economy will continue to improve. Many more will have jobs, restoring pride and confidence. We'll be forced to live with more inane television shows and less professional sports, but we'll survive. We'll be happier in 2011. And, yes, the San Francisco Giants will defend their World Series championship.

That's our story and we're sticking to it.

To a very happy and healthy 2011. Enjoy every minute of it.

Do You Believe In Magic?

Before we begin in earnest, let's review two events from the past week:

1. As you will recall, on Sunday, December 12, TJOW published a column focused on the military's Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) policy. It was the first time we had written about this unconstitutional, discriminatory approach to squelching free speech and individual freedom in the military workplace, a policy that cost a reported 13,500 people their job.

2. A mere seven days later, on Saturday, December 18, in a 63 to 33 vote, the Senate repealed DADT. After 17 years, the ban on gays and lesbians serving openly in the military will end.

We post on December 12 and the Senate takes historic action on December 18. Coincidence? You be the judge.

Calls to leading senators of both parties to confirm the connection between our blog and their vote have not yet to be returned.

Of course we still await the President's response to TJOW's two compelling proposals, each designed to put at least 5 million unemployed back to work (Dear Mr. President, August 8; Dear Mr. President, Part II, August 29). Mr. President, please get with the program. We're talking two worthy plans here. And, Dude, don't look now but you could use a significant boost in the polls, having alienated just about everyone who voted for you with the extension of the Bush tax cuts. So take a look at our proposals and get in touch. We're talking jobs, Mr. President. Time's a wastin'.

Speaking of magic, it seems that there's simply too little of it to go around these days. That bounce in the step, sparkle in the eye, confidence in the voice that motivates, strengthens and emboldens us to act with determination. That mojo that raises valleys, lowers mountain tops, that makes even the most audacious goals seem somehow possible, attainable. That energy that quells doubts, calms nerves, that inspires us to dream of what can be. The spirit of hope.

Yes, that magic.

So, we ask: What happened to it? Where's it gone?

And we answer: Nothing. It hasn't gone anywhere. It's still here. We're just not using it as often as we should.

Why we're not using it is easy to explain. The magic of which we speak is dampened by uncertainty and fear. The uncertainty that accompanies a poor economy. The fear that is the product of depressed corporate earnings, little or no revenue growth, on-going reorganizations, job eliminations. High unemployment. Budget crises in cities and states. Lowered giving to non-profits. The talk that the economy is yet to turn upward. The prognostications that growth will continue at a snail's pace. That we'll be in this for years.

Indeed, it's hard to be up-beat, optimistic in the face of the doom and gloom that we've been hammered with the last few years. How not to be affected by the onslaught of negativity? And let's not overlook the power of the season, as short, dark, cold days don't help. They, too, tend to undermine our ability to feel that warm glow of hope.

So, it's easy to explain the loss of the magic. A more important question, though, is this: How to get it back?

We fervently suggest the following:

1. Believe! The magic exists! Feel it, touch it, smell it (to steal a good line from The Producers). It's right where you left it, ready for use.

2. Start small. Let yourself feel a bit of optimism about something, anything. That this week will be better than the last. That a good thing will happen. That 2011 will be better than 2010. That there's reason to hope.

3. Build. Small gains beget larger gains. Allow the simple act of feeling optimistic warm your soul. Look carefully about you and you'll see that there is reason to be positive, to be confident. A child's smile might do it. A good laugh. A favorite song. The belief that life can be good.

4. Expand. As your confidence returns and the magic again flows, find a cause, a purpose. (What, you thought this was only about you? Don't be silly! You're not alone in this. The magic is wasted unless you use it for a greater good.) Have a favorite charity, an organization that needs your help? Yes? Cool. Get more involved. No? Find one before the week is out, make the call, and seek a specific way to help it. (Need help? I've got a list of dozens of wonderful organizations that would love your involvement.)

5. Share. Magic is more powerful when it can be shared. Amazing but true, our magic produces more when we help others feel it. There's nothing quite like bolstering someone's sense of optimism. Try it this week. It is, after all, the season of giving.

6. Maintain. Magic takes work. You've got to fight for it. Once you have it back, you've got to use it -- or lose it. Using it daily is easier than losing it and starting over again. Find reasons to be optimistic and use that magic to invigorate others. Together, we can recharge the souls -- the mojo -- of thousands.

Find the magic. Rekindle optimism. Help ourselves by helping others. Let's get a running start on 2011. We need it to be a very good year.

Happy birthday, Mom! And, of course, Merry Christmas! See you next week with predictions for 2011.

Bless Their Hearts (and a warning)

Warning. This blog contains:

• IP Intense Political Views
  
• GN Gratuitous Name-calling
  
• BR Borderline Ranting
• AH Attempted Humor
  
• ESUBEOWSKBBD Exposure of Self-serving, Unconstitutional Behavior by Elected Officials Who Should Know Better But Don't
  

Readers beware.

Bless their hearts. An expression from our Southern brothers and sisters packing marvelous power and unparalleled innuendo. An expression that honors the commitment, honesty, unswerving devotion of others. As in:

Bless his heart for all he's done for this organization. Bless her heart for the effort she's devoted to our team. Bless their hearts for the time they've given, for the money they've raised.

Ah, but that's only the half of it. For this same expression also isolates and calls out the frailties, inabilities, the absolute stupidity of others. As in:

He'd miss the point if it ran up, spun around, screamed 'You're an idiot!' and hit him between the eyes, bless his heart. She's got less sense than my dog -- and he's been dead for three years, bless her heart. They couldn't find a right answer to save their lives, bless their hearts.

Best yet is the subtle usage of this terrific expression, as in He certainly tries hard, bless his heart. Honoring the effort while bemoaning the failure. An elegant, polite, civilized way of calling someone a stupid f*****g idiot. But in a nice way. The epitome of passive-aggressive.

A fabulous expression, no? Use it a few times. It will grow on you.

Speaking of John McCain, bless his heart, let's take a moment to consider his inane and obstructionist position on the military's 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy. Earlier this month, Admiral Mike Mullen, the Chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and Robert Gates, the Secretary of Defense, both stated before Congress that this 1993 law had outlived its usefulness and urged its repeal. Backed by a comprehensive study that demonstrated overwhelming majorities of men and women serving in the armed forces are prepared to serve with openly gay or lesbian soldiers, they called for the end of the unfair, discriminatory, unconstitutional practice.

Was that enough for McCain? Did he heed the strong advice of those with the duty and responsibility to oversee the military? Did he allow the Secretary of Defense and the Chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff to do their jobs? No, bless his heart. Why? Because John knows better.

Their interchange is a good one:



Let's step back for a moment to take stock of this amazing situation. Here we have the Secretary of Defense and the Chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff stating with conviction before a hearing of the Senate Armed Services Committee on Capital Hill that all should have the opportunity to fight and die for their country without having to hide their sexual orientation. Gays and lesbians should have the right, the honor, they both testified, to serve their country openly with pride. Who would have thought we'd see this day? We have, without doubt, come a long way, baby.

And then there's John McCain, leading the Republican opposition to the repeal of a law that was wrong and illegal from the get go. As we're constantly reminded, the man's a war hero, so give him some credit. We can also be sure that he speaks from his heart. That said, McCain's supporting a position that is both discriminatory and unconstitutional -- two rather important failings, bless his heart.

The military is a place of work. Those who volunteer for the right to defend our way of life, our Constitution, by putting their life on the line should have the same protection under the law as people who work anywhere else in this country. Here, it's illegal to discriminate in the workplace due to, among other things: gender, age, ethnicity, religious affiliation and sexual preference. The only thing eligible for discrimination at work? Performance. That's it, John.

So, Senator McCain, we suggest the following:

• Let military leadership lead. Get out of the way of the Secretary of Defense and the Chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Don't you have anything else to do?
  

• Wake up, Dude. The vast majority of military was born after 1985. Being gay or lesbian isn't a big deal to them.

• You swore to uphold the Constitution, John. Time to start, no?

• You're from Arizona. The sun can be fierce. Wear a hat.
  

Bless his heart.

Now to our warning: Stay away from E! network's Bridalplasty, a reality game show in which, according to E!, "Brides-to-be compete in challenges to earn plastic surgery procedures in a quest to win their ultimate dream wedding." E! goes on to say that this show is "the only one where the winner gets cut".

I'm not making this up. I couldn't. I'm not that sick.

Have a great week.

Spreading Joy

Nice to have you back. Nice to be back.

For many, this is a tough time of year. Shoppers bowling others over in store aisles and jostling in check-out lines as carols play in the background. Drivers maneuvering beyond aggressively for that last parking space, the winner -- the person who cut in front of you to take the space -- sporting a holiday wreath on the front of the car. People decked out in festive attire who refuse to stop talking on their mobile while paying -- how rude is that! -- and who become indignant, righteous even, when urged to get off their phone and move things along.

And that's when we're not at work. (Where many of us go if only to get a break from the mayhem of the holiday season.)

It's definitely a tough time of year. There's simply too much forced joy in the air. And not nearly enough kindness.

So we ask: Is being kind, spreading happiness such hard work? Apparently so.

We at TJOW, of course, beg to differ. Spreading joy isn't nearly as hard as many might think.

And let's be clear, we're not talking about random acts of kindness. We're talking about purposeful, consistent, on-going, habit-forming acts of kindness. Simple, no-cost acts of graciousness that, in their small way, spread joy.

Holding doors, allowing a car to merge, complimenting her shoes, praising his outfit, helping someone cross the street -- these are easy. Take a step up and tell a co-worker or two how much you appreciate them. Thank an employee for the sacrifices, for working long hours. Write to that long-lost friend. Call the cousin you miss. Tell a friend from high school about the crush you had on him/her. Advance to a yet higher level, go old-school and send a hand-written, heart-felt thank-you note to someone, anyone for just about anything. Send a note of appreciation to your CEO. Write to your mom, your dad. Give a friend a hug -- and not some lame, insincere air hug, but the real thing -- just because. Seek out someone you wronged and apologize. Write a poem. Sing a song.

We're offering small, easy, no-cost suggestions. Think for a moment and you'll have ideas. But don't let us get in the way of you going big. The Opera Company of Philadelphia has promised 1,000 random acts of culture, all designed to enrich the lives of others. This one is spectacular. We defy you not to feel better while watching.



Spread joy. You'll feel good. Someone else will feel good. And who knows? It just might become contagious. Millions might get into the act.

We're all in this together. We can make a conscious choice to be polite, considerate, even kind. Do that and we, together, can make this a much happier season -- a season that won't end on the 25th.

We're in. Are you?

And to those of you who'd like a new, non-Adam Sandler Chanukah song, check this out. It's a kick. Happy Chanukah!

Now get busy spreading joy.