Promises, Promises

With a handful of days left in the year, it's time for TJOW to go out -- way out, as you'll see -- on the proverbial limb and make a number of predictions for 2011. Some of the predictions are rock-solid, others a bit whimsical, still others well toward the wishful-thinking end of the continuum. Regardless, all are worthy and will undoubtedly occur sometime in the New Year. Laugh (or grimace) now, but remember where you heard them first. That's right. Here at The Job of Work.

Let's start easy.

1. The new year will begin exactly eight days from Christmas. Ever wondered why New Year's Day occurs when it does? Asked another way, why isn't Christmas day the beginning of the new year? Given that we follow the Christian, solar-based calendar, one might think that the birth of Jesus would mark the beginning of the year. But, it obviously doesn't. Why? (Hint: It has everything to do with the fact that Jesus was born a Jew. Another hint: Jesus was a Jewish boy.) Regardless, our first prediction is that the new year will begin as it always does, eight days from Christmas.

Unless the Earth explodes in the next few days, that's one for TJOW.

2. Chivalry will abound in 2011. No, we're not predicting that the medieval knightly system of ethics and social behavior will return. Nor are we predicting that courteous behavior of men toward women alone will mark the year. Instead, TJOW's second prediction for the new year is that honor, courtesy and a readiness to help the weak -- the core of chivalry -- will make a huge comeback among men and women in 2011.

Look for it! Doors being held, seats offered to those in need on public transportation, drivers giving a wave of thanks when allowed to merge, people saying 'please', service providers treated graciously, e-mail answered, calls returned, people seeking ways to help others, heartfelt appreciation expressed when any attempt is made to support another person. People being nice to each other.

By the way, the strong return of chivalry will be caused by a zarkon gas-emitting meteor from the Gamma Quadrant passing perilously close to Earth early in the new year. It will go unreported to the public. We could, of course, include both the meteor and the government withholding its existence in our set of predictions. But, since you won't be told about the meteor, we'll end up arguing about the prediction's accuracy. For this reason, we won't include the mysterious meteor in our list of predictions and instead focus on the outcome of the meteor. That's just the kind of people we are here at TJOW. (Not to worry: zarkon gas is colorless and odorless and offers no Invasion of the Body Snatchers-type health issues, aside from making us nicer.)

3. Face-to-face or, at the very least, voice-to-voice communication will make a comeback. Shocking but true, personal communication will return to prominence in 2011. Facebook will decline in popularity -- does anyone really care what someone ate for breakfast? -- and Twitter's 15 minutes of fame will end, largely because many will admit that having to express one's self in 140 characters is incredibly limiting and just stupid. Instead, people will use their phones to "talk" to their friends and family.

4. Greed will reign supreme in professional sports. Enjoy the current NFL, NBA and NHL seasons. These will be the last in 2011 as lock-outs and/or player strikes will hit all three leagues. Fans will grieve the loss, but will be buoyed when bookies begin to take bets on reality television shows and Glee. Nike will market an entire clothing line to enable more athletic sitting. Book sellers will experience record profits as sports fans turn to reading. (Just kidding.) Hope you enjoy baseball and women's basketball. Oh, and soccer.

5. Reality programming on television will expand. Look for more true 'reality' programs to hit the airwaves in 2011. Not elaborate game shows (a la Survivor), but programs that capture the lives of others. Look for Fox's LA Dog$, a candid, in-depth look at the canine pets of Hollywood celebrities. NBC will counter with Kool Kats, which will bomb. E! will introduce Babysitters to the Stars, while VH1 will air Paris Who? which will follow the lives of people who have never heard of nor care at all about Paris Hilton. (What, you think we're making this stuff up?)

6. Green will definitely be the new black. 2011 will be the year we turn the corner on fossil fuels. Alternative energy sources will reign supreme in the new year, as breakthroughs in solar, wind and wave power will capture our imagination and cause us to believe that we can, indeed, live on this planet without killing it. It will become hip to conserve. Urban farming will flourish. Apps will be created to calculate and help reduce one's carbon footprint. Taking public transportation will be considered cool. And in a story that won't be widely reported, a discovery in the physics department at the University of California, Berkeley will lead eventually to the creation of warp drive. (Really.)

7. Global warming will accelerate. Even while we race to develop new energy sources, it will be abundantly clear -- even to Glenn Beck -- that the Earth is angry and won't take it anymore. Watch for freaky, violent weather worldwide. A hurricane in California, an earthquake in Florida, flooding in Phoenix, weeks of sunshine in Seattle, excessive heat across northern Europe. Make your vacation plans accordingly.

8. Health will equal wealth. Our interest in wellness will increase dramatically in 2011. Sales of organic, gluten-free foods will skyrocket. Fried foods will decline in popularity (but will still taste oh so good). Macaroni and cheese will no longer be consider a vegetable. Exercise will become even more popular, with many taking to walking and bicycling. Some will even realize that spandex bike clothes are unnecessary and, for many, inadvisable. The currently popular overweight, poached look will begin to ebb, because obesity is so last century.

9. Unemployment will subside. 2011 will be the year of job creation. As confidence returns to the business world, companies will begin to hire in earnest. Look for solid growth in the tech, manufacturing, health care and financial services sectors. As a result, consumer spending will increase and despite some bumps in the road, the light at the end of this economic tunnel we've been in will be in full view.

10. Life will be worth living. 2011 will be a very good year. We'll talk to each other more. We'll treat each other with more kindness, compassion, dignity and respect. We'll become more fit. We'll seek better ways to preserve the planet. The economy will continue to improve. Many more will have jobs, restoring pride and confidence. We'll be forced to live with more inane television shows and less professional sports, but we'll survive. We'll be happier in 2011. And, yes, the San Francisco Giants will defend their World Series championship.

That's our story and we're sticking to it.

To a very happy and healthy 2011. Enjoy every minute of it.