There Really Should Be An App For That

Five hundred thousand apps and counting. Apps for travel, apps for shopping, apps to identify songs, exercise apps, language apps, networking apps. Apps to locate a parked car. Even an app to help us barbecue.

Each app more amazing than the next. But despite the volume and breadth of the near-half million apps already in existence, there are still at least two we at The Job of Work await.

One we'll call iTruth. This app, using sophisticated, state-of-the-art voice recognition and assessment technology, determines the extent to which an individual provides truthful information. Operating much like Shazam, the user simply presses the iTruth icon and the app records, evaluates and reports within seconds a simple rating of the truthfulness of the message being conveyed by the person.

Think of the value! Use it in your next Town Hall meeting at work. Ask about company performance, plans for the future, growth -- anything you truly want to know. Impending layoffs in the offing? Additional furlough days being planned? Is there confidence in company plans to grow market share? Is there true commitment to improving the employee experience? And what about those delayed pay increases?

So many questions, so little time. But now, complete confidence that the truth has been spoken -- or not.

iTruth works anywhere, in any language. It works over the phone as well as it does in person. Try it the next time you contact that cable television call center and ask for a specific arrival time for the repair technician. Or, better yet, get in touch with that ex-boy or girl friend. Oh, the things you will learn!

Use the iTruth app to determine the true veracity of the responses you receive. No longer will you have to wonder what portion of the responses was fully accurate. No longer will you need to examine each response in detail, attempting to parse the truths from the untruths. Take the guesswork out of message analysis.

Watch the circle in the center of the app. Green indicates 'fully truthful', yellow indicates 'somewhat truthful', and red indicates, you guessed it, 'not even a hint of truth'. And if the red light begins to blink, the app has determined that the speaker is 'purposely attempting to mislead'. Extended blinking leads to a harsh, audible tone that communicates to all in earshot that the individual is, technically speaking, a lying chump. No need to say it yourself; iTruth does the talking for you!

iTruth. The app that cuts through to the truth, or lack there of.

The second app we eagerly anticipate is one we'll call simply Integrity. This brilliant app is designed for anyone who leads people and therefore requires others to find him or her to be of high trustworthiness and of strong moral character. Much like iTruth, but in reverse, Integrity provides a continuous and accurate gauge of the amount of integrity others believe the user of the app possesses.

Touch the Integrity icon. Begin speaking. The app, using a telepathy-based technology modeled after the original Star Trek tricorder, measures the m-waves being emitted by those listening to the individual. (Sound complicated? It is. That's why it will cost $1.99.) The app assesses the collected data, provides benchmarking against a database of high-, moderate- and low-integrity individuals. (Don't ask; the list is proprietary and carefully guarded -- but probably soon to be released by Julian Assange.) A simple readout is provided on the face of the device. A fully- highlighted Integrity column indicates a strong belief in the speaker's trustworthiness and moral fiber. A partially-highlighted column indicates only a moderate confidence in the speaker's integrity and an unhighlighted column indicates that the speaker is seen to be fully bereft of integrity.

No longer will you have to guess about how people see you! Put aside that question about whether people believe you. Now, for once, you'll know. While you won't be able to read their mind, you will know what's in their heart, which may be more important anyway. Instant feedback that really and truly matters.

A perfect app for, among many, the business leader and politician. Not recommended, however, for parents of teenagers, due to the propensity of teens to view their parents with contempt. Also not advisable for the military, given that most there carry guns. Definitely not recommended for those who weren't planning on a second date, despite promises to the contrary, or those who can't handle the truth.

Integrity. The app that gives back what you dish out.

See you next week.