The Second Call

'Your appointment scheduled for tomorrow has been cancelled. You are now scheduled to see a neurologist at 9:30 a.m. on Monday, March 5, 2012.'

You read about the first call last week. This was the second.

March 5th? March!?! This is early December. A near three-month wait?

'We're sorry', we were told politely. 'There simply aren't any available appointments before then. We'll contact you if anything opens up.'

March. Given what's in the balance, how can we possibly wait until March?

Oh, how slow do the wheels of the healthcare system turn. Certainly without concern for those concerned. Those really concerned. Like scared to death.

That's when it struck me: We need selective, temporary amnesia. More specifically, I need selected, temporary amnesia. For three months, I need to forget about this one, very specific thing. Forget about the situation, the possibilities. Forget the anxiety, the fear. Until March 4. Then it can all come flooding back, just in time for the appointment.

How sweet would that be? To be able to forget this one thing for three months. Completely.

Let your imagination roam. Ours has.

Introducing ForgetAboutIt!, the simple device that helps you control memories you'd just love to forget -- at least for awhile. And it's so simple to use! Just place your thumb on the bioscanner, review the list of memories shown on the easy-to-read 3" diagonal monitor, select the memory you care to repress, choose the 'Memory Return Date' and press 'Enter'. ForgetAboutIt! does the rest. Within 15 seconds, all selected memories have been pushed to your subconscious, not to rear their ugly heads until the memory return date you selected. And that's it! (Prototype shown.)

Said the wrong thing last night at dinner? Swore during that big presentation at work? Asked a non-pregnant coworker when her baby is due? Dreading an upcoming performance review? Have a court date or a doctor's appointment you fear? Maybe a date with a dentist's drill?

ForgetAboutIt! is your ticket to peace and serenity. At least temporarily.

ForgetAboutIt! surrounds those pesky memories with the very latest in neuro-inhibitors, completely preventing recall until the date you've chosen. Our patent-pending nano technology is immune to hypnosis and other memory enhancement methods and is guaranteed to be fully effective, or your money back. (If, of course, you remember purchasing ForgetAboutIt! in the first place!)

Possible side effects include: headache, nausea, stomach upset, insomnia, persistent belief that you've forgotten something, loss of appetite. In some cases, users develop a phobic fear of snakes and alcohol addiction. In rare cases, some users experience delusional thinking and intense mood swings. Should either occur, contact your physician immediately.

Available without a prescription in drug stores everywhere. Batteries not included.

I'll risk the fear of snakes. Sign me up, please. I don't know how I'll make it to March 5 without it.